hmm it’s sunday night and i know tomorrow i’m going to get hit by questions by co-workers about my weekend activities. i’m just not going to comment on any of it….everything went well or poorly, depending on your perspective in this space we call ‘right now’.
i feel sorry for every female who has ever met me. this is officially your apology.
you can’t say i never said it.
i’m going out with a girl tomorrow night, that’s all im going to say. met her on online…
check out the site in the next few days for a update. it might be completely lies but no one cares at this point….
🙂
i decided again today that i build websites like people smoke. I just do it and not even notice. Everyone who runs into me outside of my computer room is going to get a website and give me something in return.
a few years ago, if i’m still alive, i’ll hear albums off this song and think of this time of my life….
ive been wearing this fucking album out like a *insert explicit sexual reference*
it’s so awesome, like it took a while to grow on me but this is great…i’m in the phase where i just click on random songs throughout the album depending on my fragile mood.
if you don’t like tori don’t go near this album. if you feel her then try it out for a few days.
on a really gay note…i was working out at the gym today listening to madonna.
yeah, i need to start swallowing my toothbrush a little more in the morning to prepare myself for the avalanche of cock that is my future.
avalanche of cock better not be on my tombstone.
hehehe
It’s been a bad day in my life…business wise….ready to come home and relax….
My waterheater decides to piss all over my apartment. It floods my bedroom with about a half a inch of water, coming dangerously close to my expensive inflatable air mattress bed.
I decide to take marla for a walk. I’m very stressed out…having problems with a apartment that you’re trying to get your deposit back 20 days before you move out…sucks…..anyway…i’m talking to myself a little more then usual when i see this incredible hot girl out of no where. wearing these tight pants, really cute short hair…has a empty martini glass….
she’s walking this little pitbull puppy and catches me staring with my jaw dropped. she drops her leash and the puppy runs over to me and marla. i grab the leash and pull the dog out of the oncoming traffic and hand it to her. she walks off to the other side the street and we continue walking. there is like a full minute where i should have introduced myself and asked if she lived around here. yet i don’t. i just stare.
i watch her walk into a house down the street. why didn’t i talk to her….i mean dropping the leash…come on….god i hate myself, opening another beer….
so as my friends in memphis as well as my parents have seen…i’ve been drinking a lot lately…lost weight…not eating correctly anymore….i’ve definetely been locked into that mix of celebrating the future while mourning the present kind of mentality.
so today i woke up and i was like “okay lets slow down a little bit, got a lot to do this month”. i came home, did a nice 45 minute run in the lovely new orleans june. despite my raging alcoholism i’m running faster and farther every week. shrug.
anyway, after my run, shower, eat dinner, watch some internet tv and walk marla. i talk with my neighbors for a bit, come home and drink half a glass of jack daniels. there’s a bottle of wine but i figure i’ll have the one glass of jack, plus the run earlier, i’ll be asleep in no time.
so i’m sitting there in my leather chair reading tom clancy, drinking my glass of whiskey, realizing i’m fitting into a really sick stereotype here. i finally wander back to the computer room for “just a sec”, completely awake again. i really don’t want to commit to opening a bottle of wine late in the evening, especially after a glass of whiskey. there is no beer, nothing. except some zima’s left by alecia last week.
i walk in, look at them, walk back to the computer room. i might be a alcoholic but i’m not drinking zima.
a few minutes pass. the justfication wheels spinning like a smoothly oiled machine. i go in, open a zima, put it into a pal’s cup and walk back to the computer room. walking out of the kitchen i laugh to myself at the obvious “if i don’t know it’s not really a guy, he’s really a girl” tranny analogy which is now a staple of crackhore. if i put the zima in a pal’s cup i can pretend it’s whatever drink i want!
now i’m thinking about how depressing it would be to cut myself while drinking zima over being a alcoholic forced to drinking zima. that has 17 yr old livejournal written all over it.
makes me want to cut even deeper.
i love how life is fixing itself…..i’m just along for the ride….i try to make the calls and emails but you can’t make everyone happy….
seriously been thinking about selling the business….i have to wait at least a year tho…it’s like hitting on a teenager before she’s 18 at this point….
oh well..
i just gotta keep going at this point……sure, my body, mind and soul want to give up but i just don’t want to give up….everything will be easier in a month…..
it will be….i know it….
it was pretty weird going back to memphis…people having kids, buying houses, going on with their lives….it’s weird but seeing peter’s kid has motivated me to stay focused….i don’t have a child but seeing people have them is just incredible….one of the most surreal moments of my life…
it’s time to go back to the box…i better save this
okay i think i get it now, i like doing things the hard way.
today has been a example of that.
i woke up after….a evening.
i’m heading out to st bernard to help a non for profit. i do this stuff because i like to.
they have lots of cable hanging from the ceiling. now it’s kinda ironic cuz my dad ran a business that did cabling and i still even bear that name. but i can’t fucking cable. i can throw it, kinda get it together but to see a project come to um…..working…i dunno, maybe i helped but not like “here ya go”. I always had help.
so fast forward like 6 years and now im st bernard, basically ground zero. it’s bad. this place is just totally fucked after the storm. still. even my hood has started building up again….
they have a room full of computers…cat5 hanging from the ceiling. they got a wire stripping tool, no crimper…..i take care of stuff that looks bad…i put the power strips, etc on the ground…..i plug in routers and get shit pretty much ready when the guy shows up with the wire stripper….
i strip the wires and i use a existing cat5 patch cable as a guide on how i should add the plugs on these wires. finally, i’m about to start but it doesn’t feel right.
i grab my phone which is about to die and call databit. he looks it up and says “no, i know thats the way it looks but this the way it is”. I argue with him, the cable im looking at looks different. I yell at cat5 wires for a few minutes then remember i have my laptop. i take apart my phone and put the sim card into my laptop and get online. he sends me the link. okay he’s right.
i am never signing up for bomb squad. i hate wires so much.
i eventually get a ride home from st bernard after setting up this nightmare of a network. stripping cat5 in a warehouse/community center, hands wet from sweat and sin….it’s sad how much i just hate doing anything that involves anything but a keyboard and a mouse…..besides sex……what is becoming of our race.
as my friend andboy said….if you’re going to make a oamlet, you have to do things you don’t really want to do…
i’m really worried about something…i’ll find out next week if it’s the bad news i’ve been waiting for…..it might just be paranoia, god i hope it is….
i’ll let you know..