Author: Scoutmastertoad

i mean seriously.

is it worse then bringing home a fat chick? come on. at least he looks like a girl instead of the blimp you’re fucking. at least a hot ass tranny looks like a girl. I mean, is it less worse then a fat girl? Hot tranny or ugly fat chick. Come on. I dunno, i mean i think it’s gay to fuck fat girls. If it’s some guy that looks like a really hot chick, have a few drinks and bam, you’re not sleeping with a fat chick.

I don’t want to feel like im stepping over a line on this but i mean just think this out. I’ve had this conversation with Peter and well…everyone lately but what really is more “gay”. Fucking a really huge blimp or taking home a hot ass tranny. Like are you that straight that you’ll spread some huge waves of cellulite and stretch marks just to get to some fat chick’s mating hole? Yeah dude, just fuck that fuck fat chick.

In the great words of Chris Rock….I’m not saying i’d kill the bitch, but i understand.

I’m not saying im going to start fucking trannies…. but i understand.

If there is one thing MySpace has taught me is there are a lot of fucking hot ass trannies.

I’m just saying i understand.

That’s it.

Okay?

Stop looking at me.

They talk in rehab about how one day you realize that this is it, you’ve hit the bottom. You cannot get any worse then this. Everything has been leading you up to this one lowest moment of your life. I’ve thought i’ve been there, i really thought i had. Like this is it, it’s never going to be worse then this. Like when you’re laying there on the computer room floor, your arm bleeding from self inflicted wounds, a puddle of vomit next to you that the dog is licking up, tori amos screaming at the top her of lungs from my speakers. I lay there thinking “wow this is pretty fucking sad, like this is it, i can only go up from here”.  That was a few months ago.

Now it’s 4am, i’ve only had 3 beers all day and im feeling pretty good. Only i think this really might be rock bottom. I’m watching Kevin Costner’s The Postman. It’s like i wish i was really drunk because then i’d have a excuse. Like “yeah i fucked this fat girl but…i was drunk, you know”. But i’m not. I’m barely even buzzed. Not high either.

In case you’re not familar with this excellent film, i’ll direct you to http://imdb.com/title/tt0119925/ 

I mean, Waterworld, it was okay. Had cool props, a cool plot, but goddamn, The Postman?

I guess it can only go from up here…..

So it’s 9:48pm and it’s time for peter and i to eat lunch. I tell Allen that im about to eat a peanut butter and jelly(with bannanas) sandwich. He sends me http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/peanutbutter.html

I walk into the kitchen with this blaring, doing the exact dance the little bananna is doing, dancing around singing along while making my sandwich. It plays and plays and plays. Peter is not pleased.  It loops over and over and im still doing my little dance while he makes his sandwich. He grows more and more annoyed.

He says “Wow, you’re like the little brother i never wanted.”

Peanut butter jelly!Peanut butter jelly!Peanut butter jelly!Peanut butter jelly!Peanut butter jelly!

Im standing outside in my backyard around 9pm, decked out in hawaiian and camo(like i even had to say it), peeing next to marla, who is also peeing. If any artists are reading this site, i will pay $50 if you can make me a nice painting of this. Thanks in advance.