Category: TOAD NEWS FEED

ya’ll needa fix

oXMEPHXo: I get a lot of clients from strange places, probelm is most of the fucks can’t pay dick
SCOUTmasterTOAD: hmm
SCOUTmasterTOAD: well
SCOUTmasterTOAD: welcome to freelancing
SCOUTmasterTOAD: i deal html like i deal drugs now
oXMEPHXo: haha
SCOUTmasterTOAD: you can get a fix nigga, but you gotta fucking pay
oXMEPHXo: dude I had a chick want a site that is like a grand and was talking “I’m looking to spend $100 maybe upto $150”

another hungover thursday

Last night, after a really bizzare day, i convince a girl from aim, who i've met once in real life, to meet me at Neils for a little karoke fun. I arrive, already drunk from…that afternoon and polish off a few beers until she gets there.

I put in my songs, Caught A Light Sneeze and some Cats In The Cradle. Neils was especially full that night, mostly very generic frat looking kids and they were all about some karoke too.

Although they weren't drunk and stumbling around the stage like i would soon be. I pound a few more beers, carry my beer to the stage. I hop up, drop my coat to the floor slowly and pick up the mic. I am giddy with excitement. The first few notes of caught a light sneeze starts….

The crowd is not happy with Tori. In my drunkenness, i start replacing key words of the song with “platinum plus” and Ken's name, who was with us at Platinum Monday.

The crowd is extra not happy.

I bound of stage, walk back to the bar, run into a old friend who hadn't seen me do karoke before. He had heard that song before too. Never like that tho.

Ian gets me some wings and way too much beer. More tori on the drive home…

Fast forward to this morning. I wake up feeling fucking terrible. I stumble to the shower, take one of those 2 minute showers where your just blazing hot water and soaping then jumping out, brush, brush, car, court.

I park at the Exxon parking lot, like all us real gangsta's, who have been to 201 Poplar for god knows how many fucking speed tickets. Dressed in all black, running in the cold, humming Mr Jack to myself, and get in line to go through the metal detector. I put my hand halfway in my pocket and feel my huge “i don't have a quarter” knife. It's 9am now, my court time is 9am..i really shouldn't go back to the car….i think for a second, what would robert denerio do .i walk over to the edge of the planters and tuck my knife in, in front of god knows how many people and get in line.

$60 later, i waddle out of 201 Poplar, my ass hurting from the raping i took from our goverment. I waddle over to the bushes, retrieve my knife and head to the car. After standing in line with memphis's best foot forward for 20 minutes really has a angering effect on me.

It's time for humans to go the way of the dinosaur.

Like standing next to the redneck dude who was talking even more then i was talking, the child molestor looking dude who actually was talking to me about how our goverment is a complete racket setup to fuck the citizens of american.

I walk up to the judge, or the judge's assistant, or whoever my fate lies and in normal southern hospitality, she asks how im doing this morning. I respond “well i guess it kinda depends on you” and give her that classic smile that has won me over thousands(8) girls.

She says that i've getting court costs. For a fucking 5 over speeding ticket. $60 i can't spend to forward my life in anyway at all. I can't believe i even got pulled over on fucking Crump. I've had people try to car jack me on Southern but we gotta keep them 5 over speeders in check.

I can't wait till your lose your little oil war.

Whoa, turning into a whole other update. *grips laptop* Okay. I walk out of court, not really in a bad mood cuz in still really kinda drunk muttering PUT YOUR HANDS UP, GET OUT OF THE CAR, PUT YOUR HANDS UP, GET OUT OF THE CAR and i drive to work.

God, this took like 4 hours to write….

reach out, touch bail

someone to hear your prayers

someone who cares

your own, personal, lawyer…..

someone to get you out of tickets, someone who is there………

5mph court in…ugh 5 hours…irony in a shot glass…..feeling alone when i’m all alone….god, need to update tommorow, after i post bail………

SMASHED UP MY SANITY, SMASHED UP INTEGRITY

SCOUTmasterTOAD: right now that beautiful girl im meeting
SCOUTmasterTOAD: is showering
SCOUTmasterTOAD: to go to this seedy bar
marsgodess1: haha
SCOUTmasterTOAD: and meet this low life alcoholic
SCOUTmasterTOAD: who is going to be on stage
marsgodess1: my low life alcoholic
SCOUTmasterTOAD: screaming caught a light sneeze
SCOUTmasterTOAD: and probably urinating himself
marsgodess1: haha

HI, I’M HERE TO FIX YOUR COMPUTERS :)

im gonna take this little moment of peace and calmness to tell you, my faithful viewer(s) about my day…

i rolled out of bed at 9am….not really getting more then 5 hours of sleep and start my day. I’m installing internet kiosks, and a bunch of them. We set them up, i try to go to my dad’s office but no one is there.

at fucking 1 in the afternoon, the door is locked and no one answers the phone. My client is installing a kiosk on the other side of town and he needs the website up very badly. I pull up into the front parking spot, break out the wireless nic and bam, i have internet access. I begin frantically working, eating bites of my salad, trying not to be sick because it’s the first meal of the day.

That morning i had a breakfast of a muscle relaxer, a bottle of V8, a multi vitamin and a red bull. What the fuck is that, seriously. It seems like i tried to cover all the bases but failed with lacking…protein.

Anyway, i end up having to beg one of the offices next to my dad to let me in to pee and they finally show up.

The next stop in today is the dentist. This is where it gets intresting. The girl cleaning my teeth seems a little more friendly then usual. I mean i guess it’s easier for her to work if she keeps me talking. She asks about the piercings, which leads to if i have any tattoos, which leads me to talking about living in california, new orleans, etc. We continue our small talk when she asks “what we do for fun”.

This is where my short comings in social situations really shows.

I say, and i quote, “drink…a lot….in the car, at the office, in bed, in the shower….and have you ever heard of aim?”. I realize what i accidently have done and stop there. I really need to learn how to be shy.

Back to the clients, a sixpack in between and now we’re home…waiting on a phone call to go do more work, then go back to the office, do all the work for tommorow…come home, get drunk, fall asleep, go to meeting, probably eat, then a bunch more work!

ALL WORK AND NO BEER MAKES TOAD A DULL BOY
ALL WORK AND NO BEER MAKES TOAD A DULL BOY
ALL WORK AND NO BEER MAKES TOAD A DULL BOY
ALL WORK AND NO BEER MAKES TOAD A DULL BOY
ALL WORK AND NO BEER MAKES TOAD A DULL BOY
ALL WORK AND NO BEER MAKES TOAD A DULL BOY

Motavation in a thong.

i told him ian told me to invite him

good thing i didn’t

*looks at empty baggy*

god like….everyone use your imagation for this. Toad dressed in a $20 suit, which i told many people, is the same cost of a bag og schwag. Thus naming it, my schwag suit.

Ken is dresed in, okay let me describe this. This isn’t just funny for me cuz everyone ian or i bring it up we start laughing. We pull up to Ken’s house and he’s standing on the hill of his front yard, in complete darkness, outstretching a arm pointing to his driveway. I’ve tried in several sentences, then deleting, what Ken looked like at this moment. Now Ken is about 6’7″, with a goatee of 3 prongs. Dressed in all black, weird little black top hat. Looks like Kid Rock but really pissed off. My untrained mind is not enough to describe Ken.

Anyway…..we go to the strip club, nothing really happens, the end? Haklsdfhalkhalkhalskhahalksdjflasj haha. Poor brandon sits alone for 10 minutes until he sees us..he said he really felt dirty sitting alone in platinum…i agreed and offered him any of 3 different bottles…

I almost need another website to talk about Platinum Plus experiences that i’ve had. I’ve learned from Platinum that i am a white heterosexual male and that i need to get a job that pays a lot. I can’t describe what a refreshing feeling platinum is.

Motavation in a thong.

A lot of people will tell you that strippers are ugly. I’m here to tell you a lot of them are. The whole “problem” with strip clubs is the alcohol. If you couldn’t drink there, then we wouldn’t be the ONLY people in the entire club with 3 bottles of alcohol we BROUGHT in. Last night was a Monday too. People made eye contact with us and just knew we weren’t fucking around.

I really need to get a picture of Ken for this.

This morning started really pretty bad. It’s not a good morning when you wake up and you have 13 new voicemails. In fact, when it’s 2pm, it’s not morning anymore.

You were asleep during morning toad.

I stumble to the shower making apoligies, that i’ll be there in a minute. I suddenly remember last night in one big second and Ian told me i was singing Ludacris – Get Out The Way while i was taking a shower.

After a muscle relaxer, a beer that i stole from a client’s fridge, and several hours of troubleshooting, i am going to bed.