Category: TOAD NEWS FEED

Last night i was talking to my darling friend Jenn and watching a DVD, normal saturday night. I was bitching to Jenn because i was tired of answering the phone and it being for Ian. Seriously, he has girls calling at 11:30am for him. I can count on one hand how many times ive seen ian up before 11:30.

The phone rings. It’s Jenn. In her cute little LA girl accent she asks if toad is there. I respond. Guess the phone always isn’t for me. Just took a aim window to prove it to me.

Can’t decide if that’s better.

Anyway, we talk for a bit and i hand the phone to ian. After a few minutes ian says “yeah i know he sounds gay on the phone”. Look, i may sound gay, look gay, have pretty gay music tastes but i can gurantee you that at least one of my aim windows is about me and heterosexual sex. Let it go…

god, i’m checking my voicemail after sleeping for 14 hours and i have a voicemail. Sara from Origins in the Oak Court Mall had called to tell me that she had drawn my name out of a fish bowl. Origins is kinda of a expensive soap and bath store, i felt really strange the whole time i was there. I got dragged in there with a friend buying a christmas present for her mom. I always drop my card in those things, it’s finally paid off.

I have to listen to the message twice because i think that i won a “happy hour” and i instantly think alcohol. But when i listened to it again she said health after happy. Instead it’s more of a seminar on skin care. She mentions learning about how to care for our individual skin type and i’m on the floor laughing.

She asks me to call her to pick a date when we can set this up.

I intend to.

GD VICE LORDS, KILLA’S, DRUG DEALERS!!

It was a normal saturday afternooon in the apartment. The dog was asleep in the pink couch, i was relaxed in front of the computers, probably engaged in a email. The phone rings, I answer it, it's Ian's mom. I wake him up after she asks me to, give him the phone and go back to the computer. Ian leaves his room a few seconds later, pushing out a dolly that we used to move stuff.

I wander back to the computer and continue to chat unaware at the danger i was in. Winamp, Pink Floyd and a joint later i'm enjoying my Saturday afternoon quite well. Many Saturdays have been spent like this and many more will probably follow. Complete peace and solitude.

I hear a truck pull up.

OH MY FUCKING GOD. It's Ian's dad. Now you have to take a second and imagine our roughly decorated apartment, usually fairly messy as it is, now has a huge cloud of marijuana smoke lingering in the ceiling.

Now use your imagination to imagine Ian's dad. I've talked to Ian's dad several hundred times while high, no big deal. Only problem is he's a drug and alcohol counselor and i'm well, you can see the conflict here.

I scream, and grab the dolly and start to roll the dolly out to him. If i just smell like it maybe it won't be blatantly obvious. Oh shit, he's getting out of the truck and pulling out a huge box, and now he's walking to the front door.

I ball out of the apartment rolling this dolly and greet him. He keeps walking with the box. I sigh and open the door for him.

He steps inside and Dark Side Of The Moon is starting to come to a end.

All you create, and all you destroy…

He laughs and sets the box down.

So Toad, how ya doing?

*cough* I'm doing okay…..

He walks out, I close the door, sit back at the computer and start to laugh. I kept waiting for Ian's dad, complete with a DEA bullet proof vest, to come kicking in the door screaming for me to put my hands up. Ugh it took me a day to tell Ian.

great… fuckin wonderful….

since i got a lot of feedback about my non orthodox showering methods, i figured i should update you it’s status. Yesterday Ian bought 4 bars of Lever 2000, for Ian and me’s combined bodyparts of 4,000.

Now that i’ve gotten my daily morning routine of the dugout and Tori, it’s time to go fix my cellphone….

scoutmastertoad: like you can go fuck yourself if my site isn’t good enough

fucker, buy some goddamn soap for the bathroom. I’ve bought the last 2 bars. Well i didn’t buy the last bar cuz my parents brought me a bar after i told them what i was using instead.

Now i’m telling everyone, Ian. Telling everyone our dark little secret.

We’ve been using Dawn in the shower instead of real soap. Blue Dawn, i figure it since it says antibacterial….if it’s good enough to get the stuff that i wash my dishes with, it’s good enough to clean me?

I’m just afraid this will turn into a regular fixture. Like the huge stack of Chick Filet napkins and the pint glasses from Young Avenue Deli. People will eventually start asking serious questions.

I’m gonna buy my own bar and hide it after every use. That way my soap will last twice as long and i won’t smell like Dawn.

god i hate talking on the phone….ever since my days of tech support phones still disgust me…wish everyone had aim….

the thing i hate most about phones is that awkward last 2 seconds when your hanging up. Everything that procedes you hanging up.

“okay sounds good!”

“talk to you later!”

“i’ll get right on that!”

“okay im ready to roll!”

ugh it’s all bullshit, should just close the window and that be that….

Thinkhed: WHERe you live now?
scoutmastertoad: *****and *********
scoutmastertoad: *makes gang sign*
Thinkhed: WTF
scoutmastertoad: haha
scoutmastertoad: yeah dude we’re living in ghetto style now
scoutmastertoad: one day toad’s site isn’t gonna update anymore
Thinkhed: i just did a search in mapquest for **** and ***** and the result was a picture of glock and a gold tooth

phone rings at 8:45am….i answer it and the lady on the other line asks if we’re still on for our meeting at 9am. I’m instantly awake.

I ask who it is, she gives me her name, i don’t recognize it. Finally i ask her who she’s calling for. She says she’s calling for someone who totally isn’t toad. She laughs and says i have the same british accent as him. I laugh and hang the phone up and go back to sleep.