Category: TOAD NEWS FEED

Geez, 3am on a tuesday morning and im bored. I skated a bunch today, not really much else to do in this boring ass city. I came to a conclusion tho, which is great, cuz i like conclusions. I started to write it all down in this little news section but decided it was a quality enough document to put down as a editorial. I decided im in a rut. I am going to start asking alot more girls out on dates. I’m going to start with this girl that lives like 2 doors down. It’s kinda funny cuz she may have seen the crackhore.com bumper sticker on my car and actually visit my page, ruining the great surprise. Probably not tho. Anyway, im watching her. Err, but not in a creepy way.

getting high and taking the dog to the vet=bad
getting high and walking dog in park=good

AINTCHAMAMI: have u ever taken a piss in pitch black with a strobe light
AINTCHAMAMI: piss isnt 1 stream
AINTCHAMAMI: its a bunch of tiny balls of piss
AINTCHAMAMI: u can see it in the strobe light
scoutMASTERtoad: umm
AINTCHAMAMI: its insane

Our landlord moved to a new house a few days ago. We don’t know where it is, our rent is due today. I’m sitting here with the rent money, in cash, leaving another message on her answering machine.

This has to be some ultra leet way of scamming people out of late rent fees. The best part is i’ve been up since 6pm yesterday. I’m only at 23 hours but it feels more like 43.

Have a terrible feeling im going to wake up tommorow morning with the rent money spread out on my lap and a message saying we owe her a extra $90.

it’s 6pm….the voicemails on my phone have doubled….i climb out of the coffin i seep in now and stumble to the computers, cell phone and pipe in hand.

Guess my day begins as the sun goes down. This is day 3-4 of my new night time schedule…..feels so much more natural

god, this is so fucking funny. Last night i stumble in around 4am, looking forward to a nice nap in my own bed. Ian was engaged in pleasing some random girl, from the looking of the clothes in the living room. I shudder, grab my dog, turn up the dvd to ignore the terrible activities going on in the other room and fall asleep.

Around 8am i’m woke to the sound of Marla’s dog toy hitting my door. WTF. The dog was in my room when i fell asleep, what is she doing out. I hear this loud high pitched voice screaming commands at Marla. It sounds like a really young and really hyper teenager. I lay and wonder why the hell whoever Ia fucked is screaming at this hour.

Dear god ian, who did you bring home this time.

My mind wanders in it’s half asleep state, hearing this high pitched voice ask Ian several questions, always referring to him as “MISTER IAN!”. Dog toy flies down hallway several times, i fall asleep when Ian offers this random girl pizza and they drive off.

I lay there and wonder why Ian gets off by having a girl refer to him as Mr.

I wake up around 5pm, still wondering why Ian was fucking a hyper teenager. I call him and scream MISTER IAN! MISTER IAN! and ask him who the hell he was fucking that sounded like a 15 year old on crack.

He then explains that yes, he did have sex with a girl that night but then after she left and his friend, who named her son Ian, after Ian, dropped him off and that’s who was screaming Mister Ian! The pizza comment makes a little more sense at least.

okay imma start this story around 3am yesterday when i drove to alex’s to drink. i roll in, tie marla to my chair, and drink god knows how many beers. At 6:45am, me and marla drive back to my dad’s office where i’ve basically been living.

Pretty drunk at this point and decided that i was tired of moving this huge bag of shrooms from freezer to freezer since my apartment is still down, that i could just eat them all and not have to worry about it.

Well around 8am people start showing up for work to find the boss’s son drunk with a head full of shrooms. The whole reason i came back to bartlett was to get my car fixed so i went to the car stereo place, somehow explain to them the problem, then had a very very intresting wait. I maintained my sanity by reading a magazine over and over and trying not to have conversations with anyone.

Finally the car is done, i go back to the office, eat the rest of the mushrooms and decide that this is no longer a safe place. I collect my dog, get in the car, almost hit a Escalade truck cuz i was distracted by my dog melting. It’s 11am, i havn’t been to bed, im tripping my head off and i really need to find sanctuary.

I toy with the idea of just parking my car in a parking lot and sleeping there but i figure since my dad’s at the office i can go to their house. Terrible decision. I get there and theres a red Mustang in our driveway and some guy starts asking me questions about storm damage and insurance. I tell him i have no idea what he’s talking about, repeating over and over that im just here to sleep. He says it’s no problem cuz my dad just called him and he’s on his way.

fucking great.

i go upstairs, get on aim, which was probably a bad idea anyway since half my aim windows were trying to take my advantage of my state and telling me to go on a killing spree. My dad knocks on the door and says i gotta move my car to let the guys into the backyard. Great. At this point everything has that “drawn by crayon” look which makes backing my car out very very difficult.

Finally i fall asleep, which was really really hard since trying to fall asleep when everything is still hilarious, is well, difficult. At one point i was watching the christian channel, laughing at the priest, trying to sing along with his Latin chanting. Then i tried to fall asleep to some Senate hearings about tobacco lobbying, etc. That was even more funny.

Finally sweet sleep is acheived for 6 hours, now im back at the office, which has become my new apartment.

Just wanted to make sure the pic was on the site somewhere 🙂

Well it’s now been a week without power or internet access. Suicide seems like the path now, considering i’ve moved all the computers and anything of worth out of the apartment since i found out my area won’t get power until this weekend. That will make it a total of 2 weeks that i’ve been without power and the life giving Internet that comes with it.

I hope i have a nice funeral.

The checking account is dwindling since Internet access is kinda a requirement when making websites so im getting kinda worried about food money, gas money, rent money, etc. Since all of Memphis has been basically destroyed, any future clients i had my eyes on are now more worried about damage to their business, etc.

Dont spend a lot of money on flowers, etc.

This whole time i’ve slept on 4 different couches so far, spent lots of quality time with Marla and basically roamed around Memphis looking for new places to stay. This doesn’t sound unless you know that

a) my mp3 player doesn’t work because the assholes at Xtreme Auto fucked up my install.
b) my driver side window doesn’t roll up because Memphis has a really bad crime problem, this letting water pour in while i drive, another plus

Im not going to even mention the bald ass tires because hydroplanning really isn’t that bad if you have music but fuck….

This will probably be the last update for a while considering the vices that im now dealing with. God bless you all and next time you turn on a light, cook food, refridgerate food or anything involving electricity, think of me.

Apparently my prayers have been answered. A few days ago our lord sent a powerful storm in a attempt to destroy the evil city of memphis. Powerlines are down, midtown is fucked, the looting will start soon.