ash wednesday

well, i kinda stopped drinking today. except for the vodka. and the beer when i woke up.

my depression levels have reached a new low. i keep thinking about what 2009 has been and am just wondering if this is just going to be it.

moving in with kelly was obviously a dumb fucking move. i mean seriously. when you’re not longer attracted to someone it’s pretty sure it’s time to, you know, stop dating them. im sure all young men learn these lessons about dating older women, etc but i’m a little ashamed of myself. dumb fucking move.

i get back out on my own and fall for michelle all over again. i got a week out of that one.

right after that i fall for tiffany. always a great idea to try to date a work person but then throw in the fact that she really doesn’t want anything to do with me emotionally is the real heart breaker. i guess i’m not used to that, just being used for certain aspects. i bring it on myself, yea i know. it was never meant to be but it’d be pretty fucking nice to meet someone who actually cared for me.

oh well. i’m starting to realize that you hit a point in your life after having your heart crushed and being loved by all the wrong people that you realize the hopelessness of it all.

i hope to be everyone’s dark corner of their mind. i say all the depressing shit you dont want to admit to yourself. unless you have a husband, wife, girlfriend or boyfriend that loves you. then i just sound bitter.

oh yeah, ash wednesday, no more drinking tomorrow…except at lynn’s party. drinking then, but not before. well maybe a beer in the morning if my chest hurts again. but definitely no more after that…until the party. goddamn it.