Usually i try to break up my aim vacations into day by day accounts of what happened but this one is kinda tough. Every night i consumed as much alcohol as i could until sleep took it's grasp so trying to remember what each day consisted of….so i'm gonna kinda freestyle it, just try to cram every bit of every funny moment into this one log. It's only 3am and i have another 8 hours of traveling to get back to my southern headquarters and i'm only remembering certain parts, so this is will probably be a work in progress. Next time i definetely have to update daily instead of all in one drunken recollection.
Well, it was about that time again. With priceline.com as my guide, i bought a plane ticket to go visit my friend jeff in Philly. I stumbled off the plane around 6pm, after 3 connecting flights and called Jeff. Through the power of celluar technology, we finally met up with each other and i hop in the car. I fucking love Jeff, if you scroll through this section you'll see several pics from when Jeff visited me in the several different cities i've lived in. We're both bad influences on each other so it rules to just let it flow.
We head to New Jersey, stop at a liquor store, purchase mass quantities of wine, whiskey and beer and pick up another aim friend, Tanya. We eat at a genuine New Jersey diner, a place that had absolutely everything i could ever imagine to eat and througly satisfy my need for food.
We go back to Jeff's apartment that he shares with his roommate Tom. As soon as we walk in i'm instantly brought back to my first apartment. Trash litters the floor, empty beer bottles everywhere, complete and total apathy of a apartment. I feel comfortable.
We get trashed, i end up taking a picture of Jeff flicking me off in his sleep, i walk Tanya to her car, get totally lost in downtown Philly, stumbling around in a opium daze and finally manage to get back to my couch and crash. My first day of Philly included smoking opium from a empty 40 bottle and eating a cheesesteak.
I like this city.
The next day we ended up in Jersey where Jeff is from and we stop by and visit his family. Now Jeff's mom is well aware of this site and probably really upset by what she's read so far. I say this because as soon as i walk in i see his mom's monitor with a huge NO W, CRACKHORE.COM sticker on the monitor. It scares me to think that anyone's mother reads this site, ugh. Anyway, as soon as we get there, jeff calls my age old friend Nelson, who happens to live across the street. Now Nelson is well, my ambassador to the cold artic north. This guy singley handley spread the word of the hore throughout all of the northern tundra. So Jeff called him, told him to come over immediately, not mentioning crackhore.com, toad or anyhing. Nelson walks in and i sneak up behind him and tackle him. We both freak out and start laughing. I always imagined myself being taller around him. Nelson fucking owns. I don't think theres a single person on my aim list now that i havn't met, i am leet. Jane refused to meet me, citing that everytime she talked to me i asked he very personal questions and that she was kinda afraid. Now only my male viewers will understand when a girl fears you it's almost as good as her being attracted to you. Yeah, you know the feeling.
Jeff, like most people, has a 9 to 5 job so i spent 2-3 days just lounging around his apartment, drinking as soon as i wake up and talking on aim. Yeah i know what your thinking, toad goes on vacation and does exactly what he does in Memphis…blah blah blah.
We spent a lot of time just chilling around his apartment drinking. When im on vacation i drink like it's a sport. The alcohol vampire in me usually consumes every drop of alcohol in the apartment before sleep overtakes me but when i wake up alone and bored, i sign on, pour myself a drink and just start the whole diaster over again. Yes these are bruises from drinking, yes i'm okay with that.
On Friday night Jeff informs me we're going to a “noise show” near by. We each drink a 40, toad fills the flask and we stumble down the street to a show. We walk into a McDonalds across the street, toad buys a Coke to mix with his whiskey and we go to the venue. I honestly thought it was a church when i walked in, a bunch of folding chairs setup in front of a projection screen which was playing a heavily distorted showing of Final Fantasy. Now Noise music is kinda defined as static, random rhythms and um samples. Now after a drink or two, i can enjoy any kind of music to it's full extent so i was really in my prime here. Jeff and I get really drunk off my McDonalds and Evan Williams and when one of the “bands” asks us to get up and just get closer, we start to mosh. Moshing is defined as a huge group of people pushing and shoving each other so i guess we weren't really moshing. We were just pushing each other back and forth and when one of the fellow show goers came over to dance we pushed him into each other and he got the picture. It ruled, i wish people threw shows like that in Memphis. You know your having a good night when the guy playing picks up the mic and says “well, some of you are getting a little violent, but that's cool”. Fucking owned.
Now the reason i went to Philly was for New Years. Now i've never had a good new years, ever. Last new year's i spent sitting in my fucking car. The same fucking car, the car that i hate more then life itself. This year i decided i wasn't gonna be in memphis. I did it too. Around 10pm me and Steve, who was carrying the Hore flask full of whiskey, walked to 30th street station to pick up a friend of ours, who had tried herion for the first time earlier that evening. We pick him up, he's got a bong in a guitar case with a bunch of other drugs with him. Like that guy that helped Jesus on the stations of the cross, i offer to take up the weight of the guitar case and we walk. It totally felt like a scene out of Desperado, walking around with a guitar case with a huge bong and a huge amount of drugs. The best part was when we walked across a street in front of a police car. I turned to steve and whispered how glad i was that police didn't have x-ray vision. Nothing can describe the feeling of walking in front of that car and feeling the headlights pierce my eyes and thankfully not piercing the guitar case. I spent new years, one leg over the arm of a chair, totally fucking blitzed out of my skull, watching the news of time square, waiting to see a crop duster fly over owning all those fuckers. I felt kinda disappointed heh. Know your enemy. Still a very good new years. Word to everyone who was there.
My thoughts on Philly are pretty positive. When i moved back to Memphis 2 years ago from New Orleans, i vowed that if i was going to live in that fucking awful city, i would try to travel as much as possible. Philly was on the checklist, as New York, so i was definetely down for the trip. Philly, like a lot of cities, you walk everywhere. This is very new to me, especially since the average temperature here is….fucking frezing. I kinda got used to it, with the help of the evan williams constantly flowing through my blood, the walking in sub artic temperatures.
The last night i was in Philly, Tanya, Lana(jeff's girlfriend) and I drove to a abandoned warehouse by the river. We walked in, 40's in hand and stumbled around this ultra scary, ultra dark warehouse. I think i found a new hobby. I can't even describe, and of course, didn't bring my camera, the fear you feel when you walk into a room that looks like it could have been the set for 8mm or Se7en. I clutched my kinfe in one hand, the flashlight and the other and walked. The adreneline was amazing. With each step we took up the steps i felt my heart pound harder. Fucking ruled.
Sitting in a train station, here behind my laptop. Waiting for the bums to come. God, some big black dude just walked up to me and asked me if i needed a drink. I dunno if i've just lived in Memphis too long but i when i talk to black people, or well just about anyone, i instantly take on their dialect. I've spoken 2 random people, seeing me with my headphones on, typing this file, drinking out of my Mcdonalds cup full of room temperature beer. I make small talk with everyone, figuring anyone who is going to stab me is just going to run right up and stab me and not ask me what i'm typing and where i'm from. With my paranoia from living in Memphis i feel sorry for anyone who tries to jump me anyway cuz i'm usually so on edge as it is. Motherfucker will end up with some white cracker throwing down his laptop and jumping on him, ripping at his face with his teeth and screaming YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN LOU, YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN. God, but i degress.
Black dude: you need a drink?
toad: hah naw dude, i'm straight, ive been sipping on me a 40 in this here mcdonalds cup
black dude: is that how they talk in memphis?
toad: yeah i guess so.
hahahaha so awesome
God, sitting in 30th station, pretty fucking drunk, singing along to rage against the machine from the headphones on my laptop. Watched um burn, yeah i watched um burn…tried to look back to my past long lost, a blood donor to the land of the holocaust.
God, i have about a hour until my train comes to take me to the airport, which will in turn take me to the airplane which will take me to Charlotte, then Richmond, then hopefully to Memphis. Since this laptop would be disiningrated in a case of a hijacking or missle hit, i'd like to say how glad it feels good to be alive. Sitting here on the cold marble floor, headphones blazing some Rage Against The Machine, liver pumping out the evil alcohol, feeling in my prime. We all have our lifestyles and this is mine.
Gotta work more so i can visit more aim friends so i can work more so i can visit more aim friends. This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.
Comments are closed.