i’ve been to therapists before, and i’ve talked about my problems with life. We know i have them. We have a dozen of them, ranging from aim to alcohol. I’ve talked about this paranoia that i’ve developed and they havnt’ really gave me anything worth working with.

See, i have dreams. I have dreams, in several different scenarios, where police are chasing me. The last one i had i was being towed behind a power boat on a little boogie board and they were chasing me on a identical power boat. I’ve had so many of these “cops chasing me in weird enviroment” dreams that it’s started to make me wonder.

I drive around all day long, ultra paranoid of those blue and white lights in my rear view mirror. The way my heart beat increases when i see that SERVE AND PROTECT sticker pull up behind me, i’m terrified.

Tonight i went out with a cop and 2 of my friends for a “normal night of drinking and going to several bars”. I harassed him the entire night, asking him all sorts of terrible questions, asking what’s the weirdest cop situation he’s been in, etc. I was really intrested.

After he told me about how he a lady shot herself in front of him and the brains went down his shirt, i kinda backed off. Toad, king of awkward situations.

When i was in highschool, i had a teacher that told us once that teachers were just regular people, working their job, trying their best and were just like everyone else. It all kinda made sense at that point…i saw them as just normal people…not the evil tyrants that i always thought them to be. Just normal people, coming to work, taking their anger at traffic out on us, etc.

After talking to a officer of the law tonight, hearing him say “yeah we make fun of cops who people over for weed”, really kinda made me feel warm inside. Maybe there’s a deep emotion that all people have, that they know what is really right and wrong, they know, deep down inside that we shouldn’t hurt each other…

i am going to bed

it’s almost 5am

humans don’t really love each other

get to bed and wake up and work

because money is the only friend you have

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