welp, back from florida…my cable modem is still down so im updating from the office….i hate timewarner with a undying passion…..i told a tech today on the phone that if i my cable modem isn’t up by tommorow not to bother fix it because dead people have no use for internet access…..
my florida trip was umm…..well, the update is halfdone for it so check back in a few hours…
i leave for miami tommorow. If you live in miami and would like drink/kill/have dinner with me, please email or msg me 🙂
It’s gonna be a really intresting trip because i had bought the tickets without my friend saying he was going for sure. So now i have some tickets and i feel like i need a vacation anyway so i’m just gonna go anyway.
*checks weather.com to see what clothes to bring*
wow it’s gonna be raining the whole time i’m there. That’s kinda lame. oh well, back to packing
Nate, my good, good buddy, asked if i would drive him a hour and a half to Little Rock to play a show. He says he's headling, i tell him i'm down and i invite a friend of mine alex along with us.
Before you get cock deep in this update, let me give you a little character development. Alex is one of the few people that has met me through my dad. I'm really good at changing perspectives and i can imagine it. You go to work for a company, you meet a guy that runs it then you meet his weird looking son who smells of $10 bourbon.
Anyway, alex shows up, we pick up nate and stop by the hardrock to get some flyers to pass out when we get to little rock. At this point im going nuts. Hands refusing to sit still, mental and physical anger, sadness, anxiety…..the only way to end this is to get to hard rock and have a drink.
I walk in, call upon my dear, dear, dear friend andy to mix me a drink. This makes him laugh cuz toad doesn't do shooters, shots or anything that requires drinking really really fast. The whole concept of it makes me ill and i'm ordering “something strong”.
Andy was gone for what seemed like maybe 2 seconds and emerged with a plastic cup with a weird red liquid.
Alabama Slammer
1oz. sloe gin
1oz. Southern Comfort
1oz. Daily's Triple Sec
1oz. Galliano
6oz. orange juice
2 maraschino cherries
1 slice orange, garnish
This fit in my perfectly empty stomach like a OJ's hand. We roll over the bridge, eat at the most fucking ghetto ass subway, watch toad buy another tall boy to drink on the rest of the way there, then we're there.
The party is almost empty, we play a bunch of pool before nate's set then it all gets blurry after that. Nate spun a tight set of some heavy shit that you don't hear in Trancephis,
Ugh anyway, nate gets done spinning and we leave with his friend Lee.
Now i gotta describe Lee for a pargrah or three. Close your eyes and imagine a big black dudes, completely decked out in camo fatigues, not drunk but definetely not sober. Now we're leaving the club, and at this point, i can't see.
I throw the keys to Lee, who i've never met before, and quite scared of, and say “hey b, u wannna taake the wheel?” He's like “yah i like civics”. He moved the seat back and rolled us to one apartment where i got in trouble for putting my foot on their coffee table.
We eventually passed out, for what was probably about 2-3 hours, at Lee's apartment, watching him play Playstation and cursing. We wake up at 10:30, get back on the interstate and then shit gets weird again.
Nate and Alex are hungry. I think their pussies because they wanna “eat their food” and said i'll just watch and drink some water. We stop at this fucking redneck ass diner and eat. I try to choke down anything that looks good but decide coffee and water is best.
I drop Nate off and Alex off and go home.
____________________________________May 04 2003
What i left out of this update is i lost my fucking $450 Nikon 995. Fucking terrible. I wasn't too upset about it after the fact, like “damn, that's fucked up, shit happens tho”, was really okay about it, honest.
About a month passes, my life goes along, i miss my camera dearly, but just chalk it up to “stupid things i do while drunk” and start looking for a new one. One day after eating lunch with John, i decide to grab a 40 and clean the inside of my car. So i'm there at Highland and Southern, vacumming out my car, throwing shit out when i see this strap under the front passenger seat. I'm like “no way, no way”, pull the strap and there's my camera. All the times i had drove around, thinking about pissed at myself for getting caught slipping, and it was right fucking there.
The whole time i'm cleaning my car some homeless guy is hovering over me asking for change and now he's wondering what i have in my hand and why i'm dancing around my car. I drive home, look at the pics, none of which are of any people, mostly of the floor and i think one of a pool table…shrug..
If, in anyone’s mind, that there is a “god”, do you think for one fucking second, that after the burning bush, the ark of the fucking covenant, that god would start talking through a fucking………
No, not letting this turn into a rant. Gooodnight everyone 🙂
i left this girl’s house tonight. I showed up at her house, drunk from a day of umm, god i need to update about the little rock drive, anyway, not important. I show up with a tall boy of….shudder….Icehouse and we sit in her apartment and talk.
now i have a problem. When i get that first sip, that absolute first little, but oh so FUCKING important, sip of alcohol, i go into this weird state. This poor girl, and calling her a girl isn’t really a good idea because she is a woman.
A woman.
I degress farther, anyway, i get super fucking manic after that first sip. I talk waaaaaay too much, i dance to every song, i think that everything i say is brillant.
I can do no wrong.
We talked about everything. Relationships, drugs, drinking, addictions, pets, and politics. You name it, we covered it. I kept realizing over and over that i just can’t hang with women older then me. Over and over i kept saying “ugh, yeah, heh, i never thought about it that way”. I’m fucking terrible at flirting with girls in real life so this is really kinda freaking me out anyway, but i just really looked at my cards and didn’t know what to do with it.
I used to read a lot of Bernstein Bears(sp) as a child and belived that nothing happens without a reason and theres a moral of every story. Bless Allah cuz there is one in this.
You are gay.
Just give it up. Come out on your website, come on, little pussy. You afraid that after years and years of updates that they’ll get it? Is that the joke of my site? That i’m gay and i update about having kinda awkward nights with attractive, pierced women to try to sell shirts?
Try to sell shirts.
*pastes link to hore store*
See, if it wasn’t for my mouth watering while i stared at her thighs, i’d start to question my sexuality. Just like i’m sure anyone who has ever ridden in the car and watched me sing along to Tori probably has.
I’m just gonna hit submit and get some weird looks/aim msgs from anyone who happens to refresh this on a sunday morning…..
Seeya at old school sunday 🙂
cuz i don’t care, anymore, nothing can stop me now cuz i don’t care.
i don’t think i wrote about this but i definetely made a mental note to. Glad im doing it now. Tuesday Timewarner came out to fix my fucking cable modem. My internet has been the equalivant of a retarded kid dragging himself across a street by his teeth and i finally got them to come out.
I of course, forget they are coming out and neglect to hide the bongs, pipes and beer bottles that make up my “work desk”.
I hear a knock on the door at 2pm. I jump out of bed, run to the door and swing it open. Now everyone picture it in your head. Dude is about 6’2, black as the georgia sky, wearing a hair net with a TimeWarner stocking cap over it.
He’s wearing 2 hats.
I freak out for a second, wondering why the hell this huge black dude is knocking on my door and then i realize, oh, it’s the dude to fix my roadrunner..i think..
He comes in, i explain the problem and he rolls on outside to try to fix it. Comes back in a little bit later, tells me the problem, what he did to fix it, i shrug and say “i hate hardware” and he asks what i do.
I point to the bongs, the 2 monitors and all the empty beer bottles and proudly say “dude i just chill around here, serve up websites and smoke pot”. He starts laughing and goes “nawww dood, u smoke pot?” and i, being a good host and very grateful for my internet being fixed, asks him if he wants to blaze a bowl with me.
He laughs even louder, and this is my favorite part, asks if he can buy a joint off me. I sigh and tell him i’m down to my last bowl and that i’ve gotten 2 checks in 2003 so i’m hurting hard. He high fives me, says if i ever have any problems, to “holla at him”.
I can’t describe what he looked like well enough. This update has lacked. I should have took a picture, should have done anything.
I’m sorry 🙁
stolen tiara: Go to google, enter as your search term
“French military victories” without the quotes. Click the I’m Feeling Lucky button.
Enjoy.
got hired to be a bodyguard in little rock tonight
if you’re cute and live in little rock msg me
update available tommorow 😉
hmm was driving home from bar last night thinking about the 5 different kinds of drugs and alcohol flowing through body at the current moment…
should go get a drug test, print out the results and hang them on the fridge
hmm i awake at 10pm…the usual time….last night i went to darlene’s birthday party at Jim’s Place…the nicest resturant in probably all of memphis…..if you’ve been there then start building the mental image now.
toad and ian roll up in the usual fashion, we sit down, start drinking again, our hangovers go away and replaced by something so much more terrible. toad and ian telling stories at a resturant where every meal is over $20. Lets see, small summary of some of the terrible shit we were saying. The whole time we were there, ian kept referring to me as his “life partner” instead of his roommate and i asked our waiter several times for a order of hot wings.
Jim’s place does not serve hot wings.
We leave, thankfully not getting kicked out….we head to darlene’s house for a few drinks…..i head over to sek’s, have a beer, then i get a call on my cell phone from a client.
Usually clients only call at 8 in goddamn morning but it’s now 11 so this is obviously a social call. He tells me he’s going up to a bar on highland with a few girls and me, never missing a chance to hangout with a client in a social setting, i roll directly on over.
I walk in, obviously not my kind of bar, i make the best of it by pouring myself a rum and coke from my own stash that i brought with me and look for Shawn. I sit down, he buys me a beer and i start conversing with his friends. Being really luded, drunk and tired, i sit down at a table with 2 girls already sitting there. Shawn buys me a shot and i shake my head and say “no way” and randomly turn and offer it to one of the girls. That sparks a conversation, we talk, i honestly can’t remember what about, then all 4 of us leave for another bar.
Suddenly she says “omg, i remember you! you’re andy’s friend!”
Flashback to Tuesday, the “drinking with cops” night, you remember the update. She had waved to me that night, i looked, smiled, waved back and continued to drink and eat pain killers and ignore the situation. I’m not known for my self esteem.
Anyway, it’s the same girl, she recognizes me, i recognize her from the “yeah, crutches turn me on but a wheelchair would really get me hard” comment i made tuesday and can’t stop laughing at the irony.
Wish i had gotten her number…oh well heh