One Exxon To Bind Them

Okay, flashback to Memorial Day 2003. It's a sunny day, people everywhere are bbqing, drinking beer and relaxing on their day off. Sek is having a little bbq at his house. Toad is chilling by the pool with his laptop writing a proposal, everyone is drinking, eating and having a great time.

We run out of beer, Sek and Brandon leave to get some more. Brandon is as sober as a priest. Sek, however, is extremly drunk, having consumed his weight in beer that afternoon.

I'm telling the rest of the story from what they told me. I remember details so i'll try to explain it as good as possible.

Brandon drives since he's sober and Sek walks into the Exxon. Sek gets his beer, takes it to the counter and the clerk refuses to sell it to him since Brandon parked taking up 2 spots. Now Sek has had several little, umm, how to put it, conflicts, with this black Exxon employee so this must have been brewing.

Sek pushes the beer across the counter and screams YOU FUCKING NIGGER and a huge racially charged fight occurs as Sek walks back to a very confused Brandon waiting in the car. They go to another Exxon, buy beer and return back to his house and tell us this.

I'm not done. This is just character development.

The next Tuesday, Sek decides to stop for gas on his way home from work. 5 o'clock traffic is in mad effect, cars at every pump. Sek pulls up, starts pumping gas, and using his existing knowledge of the exxon lady's hatred for cell phone usage while on the pumps. Just as planned she storms out into the parking lot and the race war begins again. Keep in mind there are mothers pumping gas into minivans, people just on their way home from work stopping for a soda, witnesses of the class war at it's best.

Sek decides to try a different tactic. Sek emails the district manager of Memphis Exxons.

Exxon.com probably has a email for everything. He writes the following letter.


Subject: Complaint

Regarding the Exxon location at:
********************
*****, ** *****

I have been a long time Exxon/Speedpass customer. I am in this location approximately 4 to 5 times a week, being that it is so close to my residence. Recently I have noticed an employee that has earned herself a reputation for being rude and unpleasant to patrons. I do not know her name because she never has her name badge on, but she is a relatively short black woman with a very large tattoo on the right side of her neck.

I have several friends that also go to the same Exxon and recently we have been joking about having to deal with this particular employee every time we go the Tigermart. I then realized at this point, that the rudeness I was seeing was not just my experience but with everyone I know that frequents this Exxon. As a business owner, I know that I would like to know if I had an employee like this, so that I could correct the problem. So take this advise with a grain of salt, but this employee needs “help” with the realization that she needs to find a new line of work.

I sincerely feel that this employee could damage this Exxon's reputation, as residents of the Cordova area will expect more than minimal service as opposed to an inner-city location where this would be tolerated.

Thanks!

The best part about that email is when Sek wrote it, it appeared under his wife's name. You can scroll up and re-read it imagining a angry white woman writing it. Anyway, Sek gets a email back from a lady saying she was the new management in the area and was wondering who she was going to have to keep and get rid of. She thanked Sek for his input.

I havn't been back to the Exxon yet. I dunno if the lady still works there. This just goes to show you that if some white dude calls you a nigger, you better not say anything back cuz that cracker may go home and email your boss. Yup, that's definetely the “moral” of this story.

.Painfully.

You probably know at least a few thousand people, pretty close.

Now most of them will die peacefully in a hospital bed, cancer of some kind, and die with their loved ones around them and leave this world in a serene matter.

That 500 people are lucky.

Now theres a huge chance that other 500 that they'll die in robbery, gang related violence, or any other terrible fire arm, violent death.

hmm

i admit a lot of drinking and driving and im sure all my viewers worry about me almost as much as my own family does. maybe even more 🙂 But i don’t think drinking and driving is any worse then most of the shit doctors prescribe to people anyway

anyway, i was driving down the interstate today about to open my beer for the ride home, when i realize that my only bottle opener is on my keys. I try desperately to open it but give up and decide to drink it at home.

the moral of this story kids…..ugh nevermind

ain’t nothin to fuck wit

scoutMASTERtoad: some weekend imma flip out and eat a bunch of meth and stay up for 3 days setting shit up like that, sleep for a day then wake up and bask in the glory of my web empire i created all cracked out on speed and blaring aphix twin
MahBizNizzle: and then it all began
scoutMASTERtoad: haha
MahBizNizzle: the second renaissance
scoutMASTERtoad: lol
MahBizNizzle: Toad
scoutMASTERtoad: god
scoutMASTERtoad: a name no one will forget
MahBizNizzle: a name that will never be forgotten
scoutMASTERtoad: rofl
scoutMASTERtoad: hahahahahaha
MahBizNizzle: hahaha

drunk fuckers

Dunno what happened to the picture, took several….stupid beer…stupid muscle relaxers…i think that night ended at 6:30 the next morning, driving home from…*shudder* Printers, riding with my roommate who is screaming things at joggers as we pass them on the way home.

Ugh, worst part was that was a Tuesday morning…

Cracktoad on……Sleep

Thats why almost everything i do, all day long, is just to tire me out so i can go back to bed. Sleep, mmmm, i smile just thinking about it. Like everyone can relate, one more hit of the snooze bar, a few more minutes in perfect bliss, numb to everything, ego completely absent.

I laid in bed this morning thinking that everyone i know enjoys sleep more then they really suspect. Those same people also are probably as terrified of death as anyone. It seems so confusing….how can you be afraid of something as wonderful as sleep? Such a paradox…

My only real fear is that i have to waste away in a hospital, full of tubes and drugs. Well the drugs sounds okay. Yup, once it looks terminal, give me a few weeks of supplies and drop me off in a pretty forrest. I'll die, some animals will eat my corpse and that's that.

my site sucks so bad

since my redesign and confusing layout, im sure i have the lowest viewers ever. i guess since this is the slow decline of my site, i’d like to give my own eulogy.

if that’s okay with all of you.

hmm, crackhore.com started so long ago, my little outlet to rant and rave. So many drunk drives home, so many drunk updates, who would have ever throught we’d get this far?

i think i’ve gotten to the autumn of my years. i imagine the tears of my family as they stand around my little jar of ashes..

whoa anyway. I have a Dell poweredge 1650 laying on my pink couch right now. Just chilling, waiting to be all up on it. The adventure which lead me to the server must be told. Unless you close the window.

Which you’re not.

Yet.

Anyway, i acquired a webserver from a random web hosting company from memphis. If i come off with being vague then you’re feeling it correctly. It was shady from the start, going in, asking for a server, talking to someone on your cell while talking to someone in real life, it all finally making sense and you walking out with a computer under one arm. It’s hard to explain that you want one specific computer in one specific rack to someone who is thinking “who the fuck are you and why the fuck do you want one of the computers in our server room?”

I finally get out into the parking lot, huge, heavy Dell server under one arm, stuff it in the back of my car and drive slowly back home.

Trading work for webservers.

Since the whole deal was legit we started thinking about what i should have done, since the whole time i looked awfully “kevin mitnick, give me your dell cuz i said so”.

Cullen said i should have made sure everything was legit, get a few feet from the door, start laughing then break into full sprint and run out the door laughing.

I keep thinking, how awesome it would be to pull pranks on people in the computer business wearing chemical biohazard suits picking up servers or dressing up like uniformed police officers and trying to barge into some random ISP’s server room.

Maybe in the next update.

HMM

go over to my new friend dave’s house. he has a bar, fully stocked with liquor, hands me some shrooms and a pipe full of dank and said “catch up man”

The vodka i found in the bar and the Faygo i mixed with it helped me catch up immediately. Vodka, Faygo and mushroom. I’m still having trouble typing and it’s only been 48 hours.

Andy Geroge and I leave dave’s place, go to the onion. We are both hallicunating heavily, things are moving, im focusing on my own ego to keep from blowing up into a million pieces and falling on floor making a sucking motion.

I explain how wireless 802.11 access points work using napkins, matches, a beer bottle and 4 beer matts

i am the navigator. put your hand in mine and come with me

ugh market solutions assholes

god i get a phone call from market solutions in florida. They ask me if they can ask me a few questions about my banking and financial planning. It being 6pm and already on my 2nd drink, i exclaim “sure!”

I alt tab to winamp, load up The Beautiful People and put it on repeat. He starts asking me yes or no questions about what banks i think of when i think of investing, etc. I answer yes and no very quickly, almost as if i wasn’t thinking about the question!

I then grab the bong and start taking bong hits against the phone. Huge coughs, Manson still screaming, i yell “HEY DOOD, U WANNA HIT THIS?” and then say back to the phone “oh hey sorry man, what’d you say again?”

The Manson gets turned up louder, more bong hits, paying less and less attention to my new friend who is really intrested in if i have any IRA’s.

He finally hangs up when i go into a 3 minute coughing fit. 🙁

crackhore@#$#@$@#

haha last night andy george noticed the crackhore shirts in the back of my car. He asks if he can have one, i sigh and give him one and tell him he owes me $10 for it.

Later that night when i pick him up to head to the bar, he’s blazing his new crackhore shirt proudly. We roll in, order our drinks and sit down with Wes and Alex already there and Andy George starts doing tequila shots.

I could almost see the headlines now, andy george running down Cooper naked cept for a crackhore shirt stained in blood.

Anyway, by the end of the night, Andy George sells 2 crackhore.com shirts for me, including 1 to the guy playing guitar in the band, and gave god knows how much publicity with his antics in the full bar last night.