Month: February 2004

zoo

went to the zoo today with valerie, tiffany and ryan.

i ate a piece of pizza, a 24 hour release xanax and a natural light before we leave.

zoo’s kinda depress me honestly.

every since my “trip” to the aquarium in new orleans, i now feel pity for all these poor animals, pacing back and forth like i do when im on the phone.

anyway, this one panther is chewing on a piece of bamboo that happens to be sticking thru the chain link fence. I reach in, grab the bamboo and shake it. The cat looks at me, i shake the bamboo more, it grabs it pulls it, i pull back more.

This is my kind of zoo.

I need interaction.

I think next time i go to im going to bring some presents for all the animals. Like a package of hotdogs or a little package of salami. Give those panthers some incentive to play.

Anyway.

We go into another one of the exhibits(can’t remmeber which, xanax style). Theres literally hundreds of kids running around, we leave after a few minutes.

As soon as we get outside, Tiffany goes “gawd those kids were driving me nuts, i had to get out of there.” I go “omg yeah, all those kids running, my nipples were so hard, was starting to go a little crazy too.” Valerie says it’s a good thing im a cute and we continue.

Relationships are all about give and take. I take little children and valerie gives umm buys me dinner sometimes.

Another update that should have ended a paragraph early.

so this is how it begins

mix vodka and cranberry into mason jar

get in shower

put towel on curtain rod directly above drink

towel falls off curtain rod, knocking my drink over and soaking my clean towel with the fluids i wanted to soak my body with.

i say outloud to myself “so this is how it begins”

i pick up towel, drink rest of vodka in mason glass, dry my hair off with the portion of towel that isn’t soaked in smirnoff, brush teeth, comb hair, get dressed, go.

ain’t nothin to fuck wit

god this weekend was so hardcore.

going to upload pics.

as soon as i upload the new orleans pics.

website is getting very very behind.

thats why i’d like to announce that i’ve hired a employee for crackhore.

when i die this site will be a perfectly organized archive of what i was.

a gravestone with gifs.

when the website’s over, turn off the lights

new orleans with alex

Okay, i went to voodoofest 2003 in new orleans. All the rest of you peons that weren't there can fucking suck it.

Cuz i was.

Keep reading cuz im still typing. Typing it within 2 hours and 2 forties within being in town so it's deluxe fresh.

The problem with my site sometimes is where to begin….do i start where i stayed up really really late Wednesday night on my annual Wednesday night beatdown, or do i start when i woke up, drank way too much coffee and ran 2342343 errands.

I'll start in the car ride. We're riding down I-55 in Alex's tight ass Prelude, watching a DVD on his portable DVD player and all of us playing on Tablet PC's.

The most hi-tech bitches on the rzoard.

We get to New Orleans after drinking a few Evan and Cokes, check into your hotel room, get plastered, Bruce (shameless promotion) drove out to our Holiday Inn(cue music) and we all got shamelessly drunk.(cept for bruce)

The next day we only saw 3 “bands”, Ludacris, 50 Cent and Rabbit In The Moon. Since i “really” like music, for the rest of this update im going to go band by band.

Ludacris. We only caught the last 3/4's of Cris's act. This is 90% my fault since my “memories” of new orleans include street names but not really where they go and what intersections they cross, so i was basically as useless as example of something useless which i can't think of right now since the half the xanax is still owning.

ANYWAY, god, i hate how i even go off on tangents in my stupid blog, Ludacris fucking owned. I remember ever song he played, every song was as perfect as i wanted, i was screaming along with my arms up. Played all the songs i want to hear, made fun of crowd

I also am from the dirty dirty south.

For 50 cent we moved in closer after the crowd scattered. Really close to the speakers. Too close to the speakers. Now i kinda like 50 cent, i have lots of his mp3s and he's not bad in my book. Seeing him live was pretty intresting tho. He comes out wearing 3 shirts and a hat and one of those little rags rap dudes wear under their hats. He throws his first shirt off, raps more, gives another shirt to the crowd, then throws his last tank top into the crowd. He starts laughing about how they say he has to get off stage and asks the crowd, should i get off stage. They respond, he keeps playing. Then they shut the lights off. He says that doesn't fuck with him. I wonder how the DJ can mix records in the dark. Finally, he throws off his shoes into the crowd and says “sell that shit on ebay and make some money”

I almost start crying with tears of laughter. Ebay all up on some voodoofest. Then they cut off the microphone and speakers. 50 Cent shrugs and walks off stage. The crowd laughs.

Okay, i know i have some “electronica music” fans that read my site. Now im friends with a lot of DJ's, i've even embraced in a very masculine yet not sexual at all hug with one on several occasions .

(where my update takes a turn)

But sitting sitting through the shit that Sasha pumped through his ripe little asshole on to the turntables was probably the worst 1 hour of my vacation. You say, okay toad, he sucks, why didn't you go somewhere else. Because i wanted to be there in time for Rabbit In The Moon.

Wait hold on, i'm not done talking about Sasha. WHY DO YOU PEOPLE THINK THIS GUY IS SPECIAL. It's like a huge litter of puppies spinning records. They're all identical at this stage, some of spots in different places but it all sounds the same. The next step is to mix a huge steaming glass of groupies to chant “SASHA! SASHA! SASHA!” at the end of the show.

I had 3 people come up to me during the Sasha show(and im convinced that people do harder and harder drugs during the shitty djs) to try to sell me ketamine and other drugs “that arn't drugs”.

FINALLY, after 2 hours of the most repetitive bullshit i've ever heard in my life. RABBIT IN THE MOON COMES ON.

Im not going to even describe what their shows are like. It's almost a mix of Gwar, KMFDM and god i don't even know. The iron mask and the sander were pretty crazy.

DAY 2
We drink in the quarter all afternoon, and head to Marilyn Manson. Since we were in New Orleans, the crowd seemed to triple. It took them what seemed like 45 minutes to setup the stage just for all the crazy shit that happened during his show. He played Sweet Dreams Are Made Of These, with his microphone shoved into the fake ass of one of the go-go dancers he had on stage.

That part owned.

He finished with Irresponsible Hate Anthem. So fucking own. What a great song to close with…..

day fucking 3
The day i really came. A perfect circle, queens of the stone age, cypress hill. We catch the end of cypress hill, enough time to hear most of their act. Queens of the stone age were just about as hardcore as i expected.

worth noting

you couldn’t tell but i make money by making websites. i make them, talk to them over the phone or meet them at their office.

they don’t know im insane.

sometimes i get pushed into letting toad slip into michael. today was a good example.

i had a client that thought i was still located downtown, where i used to have a office, a year ago. she goes “oh well can i stop by your home?”

now i don’t have enough pictures up of this apartment at this point but this place isn’t suitable for my family to come by.

i wake up early, my bed feeling like a womb, after the “andy got out of jail” party that went way too late in the morning. I stumble into the computer room, clean up the rest of the trash out of the living room and computer room and try to make the place not look really bad.

she comes over, we talk, i sit indian style on the pink couch, take notes, everything goes better then expected, she thanks for me for letting her come into my home.

if only she knew.