howdy neighber

This sunday i went to the ballet with my mom. This is a long standing tradition on mother’s day, watching my sister dance and making me sit thru it. It’s like the easy mother’s day gift tradition.

Anyway, i had spent the entire night before drinking, getting home around 6. The phone rings at noon and i stumble outside, puke while marla does her business, then it’s shower time.

A quick beer on the way to their house and then it’s off to the ballet. I sleep thru most of first half, eyes opening barely after each act when everyone claps.

During the intermission, i quickly find a place to sit down and procede to stare lustfully at all the young girls. A man wearing shorts and gray hair walks up to me and says “hey, you’re my neighber!”. I look up and say “Naw i think your mistaken” but before i get half the sentence out he goes “yeah, you live on Hawthorne, next to us”


I immediately start apoligizing for all the terrible things they’ve had to deal with living next to our diaster of a apartment. Then it turns out that his daughter is a good friend of my sister. I get pulled over to talk with his wife and daughter when the mom goes “Oh hey, yeah ive been meaning to ask you, is that dog ok?”

Now what she’s referring to is a incident about a month ago. While i was in San Diego and ian and brooks were having their usual fight, she packs up and leaves like usual. But she somehow manages to RUN OVER HER OWN DOG with her Cadillac Escalade. Now since i wasn’t there(thank god) i have no idea how you can manage to run over your own dog with your own car but somehow it happened.

The neighber said she had never heard anything so terrific, a dauschound howling in pain at 3am, underneath their bedroom. I tell her that the dog actually lived but has been terribly mangled since. She then asks if ian’s girlfriend(who is a stripper) goes to Rhodes college. Since this is at a ballet i miss up a great opportunity to say “oh yeah she’s a dancer, just like your daughter” but i was kinda hungover and didn’t think of it until afterwards.

I explained to her that we were moving out at the end of the month and that her property value will probably be going up since the diaster next to her is leaving.

I saw her this morning when i went out to get the paper and waved. She waved back.

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