Month: April 2008

I GOT A BAD BAD BAD FEELING, MY TOADY DON’T UPDATE HERE NO MORE!!!@#$@#$@#

god it’s getting later and later…i’m pretty much sober from my evening, almost want to walk to ms maes for a few whiskey’s…..that’s the worst and best idea i’ve ever had….i mean i don’t have anything i have to do tomorrow…i have $3, i could have a few drinks….is it worth the walk tho….god alcoholism is a fucking hassle.

i’m going to go jerk off in someone’s garden instead.

cheaper.

you give up your cubicle life, give up all your flaming worldly possessions, you go live in a inhabited triplex in the upper garden district

and you have to come home to this.

i’m fucking sick…i had 3 aim windows helping me stalk this web designer from maine…i’m just gonna come clean with her monday and say “hey, look, i’m attracted to you, are you on myspace, i need to know if you are married, have kids and weight over 200 lbs”

i’m not gonna phrase it like that…or i hope so…. still, i just want to know. i can’t describe what it does to me when i talk to a sexy voice that knows the same problems i know…we’ve talked a few times and shared deep things about business but i think it’s time for me to cross that line.

now this isn’t a client or anything…it’s just some woman who helped me out with a site in the past…there is no danger in saying “do you have a myspace” or however i’m going to slur it to her….

i just don’t know, i want to know…the rejection is half the fun of this….

i hope she is either fat, married, gay or old.

gay, fat, married or old…i’m so shallow..maybe i should kill myself .

i am sending her a link to crackhore regardless…anyone lusted over needs to know about it.  something about how she wanted to know how my super shady business was setup and telling her just turned me on…it turned me on that she wanted to know how my duct tape and string was setup…

the fact that i’m even writing a follow up post about some woman i’m stalking says a lot about my life…shame on toad, for all he has done…even my homeless friend albert looked at me today and was telling me “not to hurt myself”…i was hoping this wasn’t written all over my face but fuck…

i was starving so marla and i walked to the bulldog…which is usually way too yuppie for my  tastes but i was hungry and needed a place i could get cheap bar food with marla…i go in and end up sitting with a table full of teachers…i hit on this gorgeous blonde and actually get her number….i started texting her and she’s responding…i just don’t even know what to say…all i can do is talk about myself and try to look like a worthwhile person to be with…

oh well, back to the silk sheets by myself for another night of doubt, wonder and self hatred.

i was searching through e-mails today with a really weird search string and a e-mail came up from valerie from 2 years ago. it hit me how just totally fucked up “life” is now and how simple and stupid things were when you broke up with her…you had all the chances in the world to make a good life after that breakup but you seemed to fuck up at every step and now you’re “where you are”.

anyway.

after a few bad text msgs on my part she says i can call her tomorrow…i want so badly to sit down and find out more about her…we talked for a few hours tonight but i want to know more…

72 hours from now i know i’ll be sitting in this same chair listening to radiohead and smoking thinking it’s time to kill myself but whatever.

female web designers, developers, web hosts, all of it…so fucking hot…

i’ve got a serious crush on this woman named susan that lives up north and runs a web business very similar to mine.  she isn’t quite as ghetto as me, has a office and doesn’t run her shit out of coffee shops but she was fascinated by my “business model”.

we were talking about hosting and how great it is to sell and she says “yeah i want to get to the point where i can go out of town, to like new orleans, and just not worry about anything”.

i bite my lip when i start to say “jazzfest is coming up, maybe you should make it happen”….i was so tempted to toss out a really obvious loaded question like “so what does your boyfriend/and or husband think of you running a web site company” but i figured it would be bad on the first phone call…..

a few days ago i apparently bent my debit card to where it’s basically about to snap into two pieces…which it did about 30 minutes ago at Subway.

so now i’m debit card that is now in 2 pieces…i walk into a bar i’m a regular at..of course it’s not one of the 3 bartenders that know me very well…i explain what happened, show her the 2 pieces of my debit card. she looks at me like “ummm i’m not going to run that”…i tell her to try running it for $20, she does, i told you the card is valid! she says “yeah  but how do i know you are ____ with ____ as it says on the card”.

i reach into my wallet, throw down my ID, then a handful of business cards, brochures, postcards and shit with the name on it. she looks at it all and says “okay fine” and brings me my pabst.

i gotta go to the bank tomorrow and get a new card ordered…the best i can think of is i was really mad at myself for spending money on something and figured the best way to not spend money is to destroy my card…makes perfect sense right?

as many of my lovely viewers know, i work out of coffee shops and my apartment. there happens to be a restaurant about 5 feet from the coffee shop i work at. i basically go back and forth between the restaurant and the coffee shop, drinking beer at the restaurant and water at the coffee shop.

i was just at the restaurant, sitting at their bar, manic as fuck, big smile on my face talking on aim and sending e-mails. the laptop dies. i get a opaque to go up, pour my beer in and say “ugh okay bbl” to the waitresses and take my beer into the coffee shop. now i’m sitting here finishing my beer complete ninja style…

next meeting is in 43 meetings…the 4th of the day, gotta keep hustling, keep flowing

it ain’t over for me.

god, saw mars volta last night at the house of blues…i cried.

met the hottest girl in line, ended up watching the whole show with her and her friends…and didn’t get her number…with redheads it’s hit or miss and this was a hit…sigh, it just never occurred to me that i need to get in touch with her….

i realized a few days ago that it’s gonna take a really special girl to date me….or a bunch of average ones…

my favorite part was when i lit a joint and immediately a flashlight comes on and the guys says “it’s a non smoking show” and i say “oh okay my bad” and put it out in my hand and put in my pocket….phew

what would you do…..what would you do if i followed you…

yeah, things have gotten into a little pattern….jackie has been a big help…it’s nice having help…it all piles on me when i don’t notice, nice to have someone in my corner…she has a real pc and a real chair, i’ve duplicated myself…lets just hope she can work fast enough…

peter has the memphis office held down hardcore…things are good…well, work things are good.

every girl i’ve ever loved hates me and loves me at arms distance…i finally feel okay where i am at…it’s all stupid at this point…i gotta keep working…i am self employed, not granted the joy of feeling sad and not working.

if i don’t work i don’t eat.

gotta wake up when jackie opens the front door and asks if im wearing clothes. gotta put on the hawaiian and the camo, gotta soldier on. there are web sites to be built, there are bills to pay…yeah it’s easier to drink but we gotta fucking man up.

we got the land line, we got the computer network, we are ready to go…it’s all on my shoulders, time to rock and roll.

i’m not gonna give up, gotta keep hustling, keep flowing….

[Hook:]
Bitch stop callin me (bitch stop callin me)
Bitch stop callin me (bitch stop callin me)
Aint gon pick tha phone up (Aint gon pick tha phone up)
Aint gon pick tha phone up (Aint gon pick tha phone up

[Verse 1: (Parlae)]
Bitch stop callin me Aint gon pick tha phone up, send ya to tha voicemail
straight hang tha phone up
Aint gon get yo hair did, bitch stop askin me
Ya nails and ya toes fixed, bitch stop harrassin me’
I buy a bitch a shirt gotta buy a bitch a hat
I dont work at the zoo get this monkey off my back
Ya say ya pregnant wit my baby, shit, I dont think so….
Bitch dat aint my baby, well I dont really kno
I got what I wanted I dont need nuthin more
So stop callin leavin message after message hoe!
Bitch don’t call me no more (why?)
Aint gon pick tha phone up
Treat her like a clothes hanger straight hang the phone up

[Hook:]

[Verse 2: (Buddy)]
Ay, stop callin me bitch dis aint no chat line
Blowin up my phone like a welfare hotline
Thinkin Ima help ya baby-mama bitch ya not mine
Nope I can’t get wit cha and we cannot share no dollar sign
Call restricted hoe, put her numba on call block
Broad real smart, call me from her home-gurl house
Like a bug-a-boo thats nuthin I cant handle
I just treat her like some stranger unknown #s I dont answer
Our relationship got cancelled, forfitted, its ova
Stop leaving messages aint no startin ova
Ima call u aint no need 2 call me
Bitch talkin 2 yourself when U talk behind tha beep

[Hook:]

[Verse 3: (Pimpin)]
Stop calliin me talkin bout “Where u at?”
She wanna hold some money talkin bout let her hold a stack
I pick tha phone up quick tell this bitch I’ll call her l8ta
Hung the phone up quick sent her straight to tha operator
She callin all the time, now she knockin at my door
Fuck that bitch hard cuz she keep wantin more
Just call it quit bitch den I made tha bitch leave
She tha stalkin type bitch, hidin behind a nigga tree
She callin once again keep callin niggas phone
She keep callin tha cell and the phone I got at home
Now she just fucked up cuz she went and worked for Nextel
call a nigga phone change my password on my voicemail

[Hook:]

[Verse 4: (Jizzal Man)]
Y u keep callin me?
What the fuck u playin on my phone 4?
Dats what stupid bitches get cracked across tha dome for
I cant get to tha phone, Im unable to answer
I aint buyin braids and I aint sendin pampers
U just dont get it u servin no purpose
I dont wanna talk, talk 2 my answerin service
I dont wanna talk to ya, I dont wanna fuck ya
Naw I aint ya boo and hell naw I dont love ya
U be wit tha silly shit,straight up on dat trippin shit
Callin me now, bitch used to be on Pimpin dick
It is what it is, I wish u wouldnt bother me
Bitch stop…stop…stop callin me!

[Hook:]