Category: TOAD NEWS FEED

i’m not gay update #5234262352342

i left this girl’s house tonight. I showed up at her house, drunk from a day of umm, god i need to update about the little rock drive, anyway, not important. I show up with a tall boy of….shudder….Icehouse and we sit in her apartment and talk.

now i have a problem. When i get that first sip, that absolute first little, but oh so FUCKING important, sip of alcohol, i go into this weird state. This poor girl, and calling her a girl isn’t really a good idea because she is a woman.

A woman.

I degress farther, anyway, i get super fucking manic after that first sip. I talk waaaaaay too much, i dance to every song, i think that everything i say is brillant.

I can do no wrong.

We talked about everything. Relationships, drugs, drinking, addictions, pets, and politics. You name it, we covered it. I kept realizing over and over that i just can’t hang with women older then me. Over and over i kept saying “ugh, yeah, heh, i never thought about it that way”. I’m fucking terrible at flirting with girls in real life so this is really kinda freaking me out anyway, but i just really looked at my cards and didn’t know what to do with it.

I used to read a lot of Bernstein Bears(sp) as a child and belived that nothing happens without a reason and theres a moral of every story. Bless Allah cuz there is one in this.

You are gay.

Just give it up. Come out on your website, come on, little pussy. You afraid that after years and years of updates that they’ll get it? Is that the joke of my site? That i’m gay and i update about having kinda awkward nights with attractive, pierced women to try to sell shirts?

Try to sell shirts.

*pastes link to hore store*

See, if it wasn’t for my mouth watering while i stared at her thighs, i’d start to question my sexuality. Just like i’m sure anyone who has ever ridden in the car and watched me sing along to Tori probably has.

I’m just gonna hit submit and get some weird looks/aim msgs from anyone who happens to refresh this on a sunday morning…..

Seeya at old school sunday 🙂

Dr Dre fixed my cable modem

cuz i don’t care, anymore, nothing can stop me now cuz i don’t care.

i don’t think i wrote about this but i definetely made a mental note to. Glad im doing it now. Tuesday Timewarner came out to fix my fucking cable modem. My internet has been the equalivant of a retarded kid dragging himself across a street by his teeth and i finally got them to come out.

I of course, forget they are coming out and neglect to hide the bongs, pipes and beer bottles that make up my “work desk”.

I hear a knock on the door at 2pm. I jump out of bed, run to the door and swing it open. Now everyone picture it in your head. Dude is about 6’2, black as the georgia sky, wearing a hair net with a TimeWarner stocking cap over it.

He’s wearing 2 hats.

I freak out for a second, wondering why the hell this huge black dude is knocking on my door and then i realize, oh, it’s the dude to fix my roadrunner..i think..

He comes in, i explain the problem and he rolls on outside to try to fix it. Comes back in a little bit later, tells me the problem, what he did to fix it, i shrug and say “i hate hardware” and he asks what i do.

I point to the bongs, the 2 monitors and all the empty beer bottles and proudly say “dude i just chill around here, serve up websites and smoke pot”. He starts laughing and goes “nawww dood, u smoke pot?” and i, being a good host and very grateful for my internet being fixed, asks him if he wants to blaze a bowl with me.

He laughs even louder, and this is my favorite part, asks if he can buy a joint off me. I sigh and tell him i’m down to my last bowl and that i’ve gotten 2 checks in 2003 so i’m hurting hard. He high fives me, says if i ever have any problems, to “holla at him”.

I can’t describe what he looked like well enough. This update has lacked. I should have took a picture, should have done anything.

I’m sorry 🙁

last night ruled, today sucks

hmm i awake at 10pm…the usual time….last night i went to darlene’s birthday party at Jim’s Place…the nicest resturant in probably all of memphis…..if you’ve been there then start building the mental image now.

toad and ian roll up in the usual fashion, we sit down, start drinking again, our hangovers go away and replaced by something so much more terrible. toad and ian telling stories at a resturant where every meal is over $20. Lets see, small summary of some of the terrible shit we were saying. The whole time we were there, ian kept referring to me as his “life partner” instead of his roommate and i asked our waiter several times for a order of hot wings.

Jim’s place does not serve hot wings.

We leave, thankfully not getting kicked out….we head to darlene’s house for a few drinks…..i head over to sek’s, have a beer, then i get a call on my cell phone from a client.

Usually clients only call at 8 in goddamn morning but it’s now 11 so this is obviously a social call. He tells me he’s going up to a bar on highland with a few girls and me, never missing a chance to hangout with a client in a social setting, i roll directly on over.

I walk in, obviously not my kind of bar, i make the best of it by pouring myself a rum and coke from my own stash that i brought with me and look for Shawn. I sit down, he buys me a beer and i start conversing with his friends. Being really luded, drunk and tired, i sit down at a table with 2 girls already sitting there. Shawn buys me a shot and i shake my head and say “no way” and randomly turn and offer it to one of the girls. That sparks a conversation, we talk, i honestly can’t remember what about, then all 4 of us leave for another bar.

Suddenly she says “omg, i remember you! you’re andy’s friend!”

Flashback to Tuesday, the “drinking with cops” night, you remember the update. She had waved to me that night, i looked, smiled, waved back and continued to drink and eat pain killers and ignore the situation. I’m not known for my self esteem.

Anyway, it’s the same girl, she recognizes me, i recognize her from the “yeah, crutches turn me on but a wheelchair would really get me hard” comment i made tuesday and can’t stop laughing at the irony.

Wish i had gotten her number…oh well heh

courtesy of 155 lombardy street

pop quiz hot shot, you’re cable modem is proper fucked and you have 2 websites that have to be uploaded in the next 10 minutes.

shoot the hostage!

my hungover, tired and all around pissed off self, copies the files to the laptop, grabs sek’s attenna and get in the car. I drive around until i find a open network, release, renew, back up on the net.

Upload files, call client, he gets a good laugh, i get a weird look from a lady walking her dog and the world is safe for democracy again.

cops

i’ve been to therapists before, and i’ve talked about my problems with life. We know i have them. We have a dozen of them, ranging from aim to alcohol. I’ve talked about this paranoia that i’ve developed and they havnt’ really gave me anything worth working with.

See, i have dreams. I have dreams, in several different scenarios, where police are chasing me. The last one i had i was being towed behind a power boat on a little boogie board and they were chasing me on a identical power boat. I’ve had so many of these “cops chasing me in weird enviroment” dreams that it’s started to make me wonder.

I drive around all day long, ultra paranoid of those blue and white lights in my rear view mirror. The way my heart beat increases when i see that SERVE AND PROTECT sticker pull up behind me, i’m terrified.

Tonight i went out with a cop and 2 of my friends for a “normal night of drinking and going to several bars”. I harassed him the entire night, asking him all sorts of terrible questions, asking what’s the weirdest cop situation he’s been in, etc. I was really intrested.

After he told me about how he a lady shot herself in front of him and the brains went down his shirt, i kinda backed off. Toad, king of awkward situations.

When i was in highschool, i had a teacher that told us once that teachers were just regular people, working their job, trying their best and were just like everyone else. It all kinda made sense at that point…i saw them as just normal people…not the evil tyrants that i always thought them to be. Just normal people, coming to work, taking their anger at traffic out on us, etc.

After talking to a officer of the law tonight, hearing him say “yeah we make fun of cops who people over for weed”, really kinda made me feel warm inside. Maybe there’s a deep emotion that all people have, that they know what is really right and wrong, they know, deep down inside that we shouldn’t hurt each other…

i am going to bed

it’s almost 5am

humans don’t really love each other

get to bed and wake up and work

because money is the only friend you have