Author: Scoutmastertoad

so tomorrow im going to ask out the security guard at work. everyday she flirts. or in my mind she does. now normally i don’t hit on black girls, well, never before, but i’m sure it’s a lot like picking up white girls on aim. Even if she has a boyfriend, you have to just do things because you feel it in your heart. Even if your heart isn’t sober. Especially if it isn’t.

today i went out to lunch with the woman i work with and when we came back she checks our ids and asks her “what are you doing with him?”. J* asks me why the security guard asked her that and i ask her if she could see us together. She says no.
I have to do it tomorrow. I got the perfect shirt laid out, going to put on the nice shoes, everything.

the excitement is going to keep me up. i’m so afraid she’s not working tomorrow.

wow i didn’t even think of that. I gotta try anyway. The thought of utter rejection from her is just as appealing as complete sucess. The problem is i can picture utter rejection, me walking to the office and looking back, her and her co-worker rolling on the ground laughing at the white boy 🙁

I really wonder what a date would be like with her tho.

Maybe i’ll print this out and bring it to her tomorrow.

naw just publish

I really think it might be time to move out to the woods.

I have shown time and time again that i am not fit to live in this world.

Marla and i need to get a tent, a generator and a attenna for my cellular card.

That’s the answer.

so i’ve noticed a lack of updates on my part. The ebb and flow of crackhore continues. I go through these phases of going out drinking and not writing, then get angry at how much money i’ve spent and stay home and write. Then sitting at home writing makes me so mad that i go out and drink.

Last night i probably drank a little too much. I get there and start shooting jager like normal. My neighbor’s friend from Ireland, who had been drinking with me all day/morning listening to music. Just imagine if you met someone who hadn’t heard ANYTHING you have listened to. Like it was great going through NIN, Sublime, etc explaining the culture of america that listened to each one, etc.

Anyway i get up to the pub and i have a few shots but then about 11:30 peter buys 5 shots. The beautiful bartender pours the 5 out. I had already ordered one so she brings me 2. I do one and choke down the 2nd. Oh yeah, Peter bought Deckland a shot of jager and he doesn’t do that, so that one goes to me too.

I really don’t remember leaving Finns and i really don’t remember going to the other bar. I did a shot and had a beer there that i’m actually finishing while i write this update. It’s 10:15am on sunday and the day is my oyster. I can do everything or anything with the holiest of days to drink.

Let us start with a nice walk with the dog.

ScoutMassaToad: fucking shit storm
ScoutMassaToad: storm of shit
MahBizNizzle:  what shit storm?
ScoutMassaToad: haha just scrolling through my emails
MahBizNizzle:  ah
ScoutMassaToad: it’s like they have just started hitting a bee’s nest with swords
ScoutMassaToad: and all the angry bees come out and say they already paid their honey and they won’t give anymore
ScoutMassaToad: winnie the toad is stuffing his face with honey like “naw, nugga, you ain’t paid shit”

So last night i finally went out with Cara. We had talked a little bit online and finally set a time and place. I wake up yesterday and look at myself in the mirror. It is time for a haircut. If not for her, for the everyone else who has to look at me.

Normally i would really really advise against getting a haricut before a date. Like i rolled the dice and i crapped out. It sucks getting your haircut when you wear glasses because you don’t know you’ve driven off the cliff into it’s too late.

I kept hearing Bill Hicks saying “yeah ive had bad times on drugs, shit, look at this haircut”. Afterwards i decided i needed a drink. I wandered around the quarter drinking and eating and finally walked home. I need to move closer to things.

Anyway, i come and take a nap. I set a alarm so that i’ll have plenty of time to wake up, shower, call a cab and probably beat her there. You can see where this is going.

I wake up, throw clothes on, apoligize over and over via texting and phone calls and get there way late. Now i’m a pretty good judge of people, like you can show me a picture and a paragraph of someone and i can tell instantly if they are going to feel me at all.

The conversation spans, everything, as most 1st dates do. I remember talking about how i was telling people at work i’ve met god before. Thats another thing i can’t talk about on 1st dates either, mushrooms. After a pitcher of margaritas and a to go cup for myself, she agrees to “watch me have another drink”.
We head to a crowded bar and sat and talked. I talked her into another drink and i had several.  I walk her to her car and we talk.  I’m sure i made her uncomfortable with my stares.  I really forgot what it’s like to talk to someone.

About midnight she decides it’s time to leave. I walk her to her car and we talk. I’ll wonder for a long time if i should have tried to kiss her but it’s a first date. I don’t have that kind of confidence. I’m a terrible person. She says she wants to go sing karaoke next time we go out. Someone once told me that a girl is going to know if she is going to sleep with you the minute she sees you.

That better be true if i start singing on 2nd dates.
I go inside, order a shot and another beer, got a cab and go up to another bar. Drink, drink, drink. Walk home with more beer.

i suck.

So lately i’ve been hitting the internets really hard lately. I think i’m on like half a dozen different dating sites lusting over all which the world has to offer. It’s kinda funny tho cuz you actually see “regulars” on this “scene”. I’ve seen some of the same people on hotornot, craigslist and now plentyoffish. Really it’s actually kinda sad that there are people out there just as lonely as me.

Anyway, all of this hunting lately has really made me think about what im looking for in a woman. I’ve been trolling through hotornot searching for girls who listen to nine inch nails and tool. The mars volta experiment proved to me that music is a pretty good place to start when trying to figure out if she’s going to let you into her pants.

Also i’ve noticed that it really depends what messaging service she uses. Like i dunno why i don’t really make any connections with girls who use yahoo. It might be just be self fulfilling thing but unless she has aim, it’s not looking good.

I talked to a really interesting character today. Like instead of going for typically what is my “type”, ive been really thinking about trying to find someone a little more unique then the typical girls i end up with. Anyway, i don’t want to screw it up because i dunno if she’s read any of crackhore yet.

It’s never good to talk about a girl too much on crackhore. Usually jinxes it.

Anyway, to keep this post from spiralling into um, whatever, here are some more mardi gras pics.

wow.

woke up in bed at 8pm.

boots still on.

no idea how i got home.

i woke up and stumbled to the computer.

now i might as well write about her since nothing matters anymore anyway. i’ve been talking to her a lot lately. like daily. talking to people at work about her. best part is she lives in another city. and she has a boyfriend. so unreachable. so perfect.

we fantasize about plane tickets but she really has no idea who she’s talking to. i have so much to do before i can start bringing girls to this life.

furniture

cars

personality

one of the women i work with who i hope never reads my site, has often told me when i get all excited about women, i gotta crawl before i walk.

i need a apartment that i can bring women to.

no plane tickets, no aim scheming, until you have a nice place to bring women. and a car.

as long as i know how to love i know i’ll surive.

tomorrow ends mardi gras. we must get back to work. anne emailed me today asking me if i did something. i hadn’t.

the plane is crashing into the mountain and toad and michael are fighting for the last parachute.

i need to start working. on everything. lazy fucking asshole webdesigner. im going to start cutting my to do list in my arm because i just really don’t care.

except for the one girl ive been talking to and thinking about, my blood lust for women has been terrible. the other night at the house party my wonderful friend wes got me to, i talked with the cutest little girl, visiting a friend.

now im pretty dense when it comes to “signs” but when someone asks you about girlfriends, or boyfriends, etc, she’s not just talking to you out of pity like most women do.

she leaves for the parades. i’ll never see her again, lives in another city, etc.

gone.

stop fucking your life up.

picture time 🙂

Well today is the last day of mardi gras…..i’m really ready for all of this to be over. Im not even sure if i have the energy to go out today and drink.

I like writing and talking about my misfortunes for some weird reason. I think it’s the inner Catholic or something, crackhore confessions. Yesterday i wasn’t even drunk and walked into the wrong bathroom at a resturant i go to frequently. Wtf dude.

Apparently i walked out on a tab last week and now i can’t remember if i paid last night’s tab ad well as last weekend’s. I think im just going to charge $500 on my car to their bar and that way i’ll just be ahead.

Other then that i guess i’m not doing badly. The side business is fucking on fire with Anne helping. I’m a little terrified about what my taxes are going to be like this year. Oh and my landlord is selling my duplex so i’m going to have to move soon. I had over a grand worth of shit in a shopping cart on Overstock.com the other night, couch, desk, chairs, everything. So glad i didn’t hit Purchase or else i would be paying movers in a month.

Oh yeah and i had my car towed back to my apartment. Time to do the ole car liquidation  dance. I just don’t have the emotion to care about cars anymore. Like “oh shit i lost a pair of socks” kind of emotion.

So pretty much everything in my life is now dynamic. Job, house, car, side work, everything is completely fluid. It just doesn’t seem to bother me like it did. A Buddhist type calm has come over me. As long as i wake up tomorrow i am winning.

ScoutMassaToad: wine, women and websitesâ„¢ 🙂

ScoutMassaToad: hmm dinner…brb
linguistixgurl: i wanna be ur dinna
ScoutMassaToad: wish you were
ScoutMassaToad: you look a lot more appetizing then mr frozen pizza 🙁
ScoutMassaToad: but look which one is getting jerked off on 🙂
linguistixgurl: eww
linguistixgurl: I ate vegetables, rice, and lo mein.
linguistixgurl: wait..
linguistixgurl: What?
ScoutMassaToad: *cough*