Author: Scoutmastertoad

I woke up this morning, alone when i heard the sound of my front door opening. This is a pretty regular thing since 3-4 people have keys to my apartment. It’s tarrance. He’s been drinking. I put on some tori and start the morning routine. Time to check email…..something from Keith in florida….

 He says bill naja killed himself friday. shot himself in front of his mother.

It’s so trite to write about shit like this on something like this but it helps. I wasn’t a great friend of Bill’s….i first met him when i lived in L.A. way back in the day. I saw Bill when i went to florida about a year ago. We went out drinking, he let me drive his car home. That’s love. Letting my drunk ass drive your dope ass car.

Well Bill, since it was suicide i figure shit must have really sucked. Sucked more then anything. I dunno. I hate when someone dies and people try to figure out what happens. You gotta focus on the fact that they are gone, the circumstances are almost irrelevant. Now i’m talking a case by case situation. i still wanna know happened on 9/11. Anyway, think thats the bloody mary talking.

Well Bill, if you can read this,  sup. A lot of people are probably tlaking shit about you killing yourself, talking about how it’s selfish, etc. Fuck them. It was your life and you decided to close the window. It’s no one’s choice but your own. It’s the only freedom we have. Except terri schavio.

Can’t believe Bill is gone. I think about killing myself on a daily basis but i hope i never do it. I always think things will get better. Things might suck now but it might be the best it’s ever been.

just another day in paradise…….sitting at the deli alone with my laptop……staring at girls on myspace….pabst will always love.

 time to go play some pool

So Peter comes over like every Thursday to help with work. I got a terrible to do list for him this day tho. “Hey peter, could you relight the pilot light on my water heater?”. I had to turn it off when i bombed the apartment and after a few days of cold showers i needed to get it relit. And im not letting my landlord in my apartment.

He reads the instructions, takes off the casing and asks me if i have a flash light. I don’t own a flashlight. I hand him a lighter. He puts one hand over his face and looks in. Okay, he asks me if i have any of those long matches you use to light pilot lights with. I just shake my head. We end up taping a match to the end of a pen, bam, I have hot water.

Okay peter, my cd-rom and dvd-rom stopped working when i opened the case and looked around to see what kind of ram i needed. He sighs, opens the case and makes sure everything is plugged in. Bam i have a cd-rom and dvd-rom again.

I need to make sure I pay him today.

Looking back, it’s hard to believe how promiscuous I really was. Everyone at my high school knew I would ‘do it’. I spent one summer lying on an old mattress in a friend’s basement, letting guys come down one by one to fuck me and sometimes slap me around. I even tried hitchhiking for sex on I55, hoping I’d get kidnapped – or worse.. “

Read the first page and then then click on The Maggot Thing, where she kinda explains some shit.

wow i finally got it to work….thank you databit for your help, you own. I hope you don’t mind I’m about to upload like a gig of photos to your server 🙂

okay now everything should work on the site, ie all the features, commenting, etc. so knock yourself out

So last night i decided to message some of my sister’s friends on myspace. Yeah i know. Jug wine, etc. I get a message from her today that says simply “stop messaging my friends”. The internet is so much fun.

Finally my sister and i have a bonding moment.

I have to be in cordova by 10am tomorrow. I don’t see it happening. I hate mornings.

Okay so i’m just minding my own business stalking away on myspace when i see someone wants to be added to my friend’s list. I click on the profile, “hmm she looks kinda of familar…really familar….oh that’s because im related to her”. Thats right, my little sister is on myspace.

Should I……

a) add her as a friend and go through her friends and find the cute ones

b) shoot myself

I can’t wait for her to read all my great and witty bulletins. And tell our parents about them. This will work out great.

Ugh so my poor dog got fleas. I get bombs for the apartment, Advantage, etc. Sliver immediately hides when he sees the cat carrier. Rachel finally finds him hiding. Now you gotta picture this. I set off the bombs and look at my watch. 3 hours. I got the laptop in my backpack, a beer in a crackhore koozie in one hand, cat carrier in the other. Dog’s leash tied on belt. Walking to the deli.

 I setup camp outside on the patio and order beer #2. I have everything i need now. I get online and get on aim and people start showing up. By the end of the day we had a huge table full of people and Rachel and Levi bring their new puppy up there.

I think i kinda black out after that. I vaguely remember bathing marla, sliver and lillith. Sliver does not like baths. Sliver does not like baths. Sliver does not like baths. I was almost waiting for a neighbor to knock on the door and ask me to stop killing.