Category: TOAD NEWS FEED

well, the weekend begins.

*thud*

Last night was pretty intresting tho. I walk outside around 11pm to let marla pee and i see my neighber and about 4 of his friends. Everyone has a 40, most have hat turned around backwards, bumping rap music from a late model red Firebird. It’s loud.

I sit and talk with my neighber’s girlfriend and her friends when this guy rushes out into the parking lot from no where. He walks right up to my neighber’s friend, who has his hat turned sideways and a 40 in his hand.

He screams CAN YOU READ THIS HAT?

My neighber’s friend says “No hold on, can almost see it”.

Everyone tries really hard not to laugh.

The guy screams IT SAYS OFFICE OF THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY! I CAN HAVE POLICE HERE IN 3 MINUTES.

My neighber’s friends start franticly apoligizing and shaking his hand. The guy goes on for a few more sentences about how other people are trying to sleep, etc and then tries to be cool with him. He’s like “hey but it’s a pretty nice system eh!”. I’m clawing into my legs trying not to laugh at this point. The angry hat neighber leaves and i turn to my neighber’s girlfriend and say “God, i’m really surprised marla didn’t run up and start jumping on him when he showed up”. Ugh, wish i would have had my camera….

tonight when you’re watching the news, if you happen to see the Honda dealership on Mendenhall in flames, you’ll know it was me.

I hate these fuckers with a passion I saved only for people who spam me.

So my engine light comes on, had the car 3 months, i’m like “No big deal, thats what warranties are for”. They say the fuel pressure regulator, the thing that keeps your gas tank pressured(yeah wtf), is proper fucked.

$320.99 job.

Warranty doesn’t cover it.

I say the hell with that, get the part replaced at Xtreme Auto for $120. I’m grinning ear to ear, happy with the knowledge that someone tried to fuck me and i squirmed away.

The morning I leave the smokies, the engine light comes back on. I curse every known diety, drive back to Memphis and this time they say it’s the fuel pressure SENSOR. I’m like “oh okay”. I’m comparing the 2 receipts, wondering what the fuck is going on. I take the car in today, the sensor costs about $380 to install. I sigh, pick up my car and call Xtreme again…..

to be continued

had a doctor’s appointment at 7:30am…..was going 60 down Park trying to get there in time, get there with a minute to spare….

i walk in, get put in a little room and this nurse comes into the room all cheery and happy. First thing she says she’s gonna do is take some blood. She rolls up my sleeve to tie the rubber band and sees all the cuts and scars on my arm. We make eye contact and i smile.

She places the needle against my arm and says “okay this is gonna hurt” and i say “naw, i like needles”. She laughs, says she likes the piercings and jams the needle in.

I procede to the next obstacle, the urine test. She hands me my cup, even spells my name right on it and says “okay, gimmie some pee”. I go into the bathroom with my little cup and notice the tiny door in the wall where you’re supposed to leave your cup-o-urine. It’s even got a paper towel in there. It’s scary to think people spill.

It takes me a while cuz I hate being forced to pee for someone. I think for a second what she would say if i filled the cup to the brim with diarrhea and leave it for her in the little door.

Finally, the pee comes, after staring at the cute little elephants on the wallpaper in the bathroom. I wonder if i gave them enough. It would have ruled to fill that thing up to the top with it spilling out over the sides…

Then it’s on to the Honda dealership. I tell the guy the extent of my problems, give him my keys and wait for the courtesy van. I sit down with my fellow Honda drivers and scan the room. The girl next to me has a laptop open so instantly, i fantasize about what it would be like to fuck her. I casually mention to her that the Covington Pike Honda dealership has Internet access. She doesn’t respond.

Bitch.

roar drunk roa rdrunk drkaldjflkahahahdklhfaha

hehe back in memphis, yay, i missed all the crime, poverty and websites….

this is much better then the smokey mountains

pics to come later today

im going out of town for a few days to tremont TN. I leave Kaleb in my apartment to watch my stupid physical possesions.

gonna be intresting being gone for a few days…..i’m taking a photography tour so hopefully i’ll find a fellow alcoholic that i can drink with. only problem is the itineary(sp). breakfast is at 6am. i’m used to going to bed at 3.

gonna be intresting

update to come

heh wow….so like most people, they have one life. They are the same person, day in, day out, they never put on a different face. Like you put on a semi different face for your job, etc but i have two completely different lives.

Theres toad, the alcoholic, pothead, drug addict who stumbles through life trying to find excitement anywhere he can.

Then there’s Michael. A brillant(yes i’ve been drinking), yet always hungover looking webdesigner. He makes pretty decent websites for a decent amount of money and that’s all they see. I hand them my business card, i smile, i shave my face, and i look like a decent individual. I get introduced at socials, i tell them i can hook them up with a great site, etc.

They have no idea who they are dealing with.

I love it too.

I was deleting pictures from Baton Rouge on my camera to take pictures of a bunch of white guys in suits who all owned businesses. I was the only one without a tie, my shirt untucked, my pants covered in bleach stains, wine in one hand, coolpix in the other.

Deleting pictures of my friends, drunk, high and god knows what else, to take pictures of white land owning males haha. I love it.

$10 to whoever can pick my dad out of the pics

My poor camera has captured so many drunk moments and then it does something like this…….im glad i had some wine to kill my hangover and stop my hands from shaking cuz it made the pics turn out a lot better…

gawd, after another long night of drinking, i wake up, begin the hunt for my glasses which takes a little bit longer then usual. I find them under the bed, god knows how they got there. The morning glass of water is poured, complete with ice and i sit down at aim….

we are all going to die soon

thank god

soon anthrax laced sniper missles will land on us and we’ll all die

no more websites, no more dj’s, no more updates

we will all die in our beds, over taxed in our shitty economy, while our president diverts attention to foreign affairs.

oh well, i didn’t want to do anything with my life anyway

toad, drunk, still dressed in his meeting clothes from earlier, screaming at his medicine cabinet and throwing a plastic comb at the mirror

YOU WON’T HELP ME SLEEP! STUPID COMB!

gawd, where are my sleeping pills when i’m physically addicted to them……

not sure it was his still their using his name, and she, gave him shelter….