Category: TOAD NEWS FEED

slowly plowing through, site will be up soon…this is sorta a test…but not really…

Well, i woke up at 4pm today. Naked in bed, boots, clothes and wallet on the floor. Cellphone in the ashtray next to my bed. Still drunk. I rolled over and Marla is laying next to me and i suddenly start laughing as i remember what happened last night.

It all started at Cafe Espresso and Tindal And Tonics. Still fighting the hangover from Saturday night, i eat half a sandwich and start drinking. I talk with Tindal and another bar patron about drugs, cars, womn and Sopranos. After covering the normal bar conversations, we all go our seperate ways.

I come home, feed the dog, talk on aim for a second and decide to go to Old School Sunday to visit Ian and maybe hook up some free drinks…I get there, walk through security and Holly tells Ian that she’s taking me out drinking. Now i’m already pretty drunk but it seems like it’s just beginning. We go to Wet Willies and to my surprise, they’re doing karoke. Holly orders us drinks, 2 of these weird red drinks called “Call A Cab”….i later find out the main ingredient is PGA. Owned.

Holly goes up and gets me to do the last karoke song of the night. Take one big guess what i pick. I’m dancing and jumping up and down, screaming into the microphone, rolling on the floor at one point and the place starts to empty out.

We head to Alferds yet and i think i have a beer. It all starts getting really really blurry at this point. After a while we head back to Old School Sunday and Holly slips and falls on the wood floor. Everyone looks at me like i pushed her and i yell “I havn’t hit no white women today!” This gets the attention of just about everyone in Hardrock. I go over and start talking to Ian and he tells me to go push this friend of his, a very very large black guy. I go up and push him laughing and he picks me up and starts spinning me around. At this point everyone in the whole bar is laughing and i decide that getting spun around after bunch of gin, vodka and PGA is probably bad.

I yell to everyone that i’m heading back to Midtown where gay people are accepted.

It was a beautiful day but after a while we noticed we were the only people sitting on the porch anymore. Our table's loud screaming, blatant disregard to the rest of the people around us, soon got us a visit from the waitress. She said the table next to us wanted them to call the cops. The waitress said she told her she couldn't call the cops just because we were loud.

The picture of the guy holding the pepper to his head had been in jail for the past 4 days and we were making fun of him cuz he got pepper sprayed before they threw him in the squad car.

Come on, just one chick. I don’t care what country she lives in, just one sweet little bisexual exhibitionist.

I spend my life at computers, constantly connected to aim. Yet i only have a handful of girls, most of which are happily dating their boyfriends and can’t post nude pics of themselves, visit me for sex, etc, etc…..

51% is a lot. There are more them then us. Just not at 2:48am….guess it’s time to retire to my sleeping quarters with my laptop and my wireless internet connection and my blood alcohol level above fractions…..goodnight cruel world, it’s over….walk on by…

I sit calmly in silence, only the sound of the keyboard clicking away my sober emotions as i wait. Waiting with cat like alertness for the first opportunity to start the ball rolling down that great big hill of drunkeness.

Hi, my name is toad, and i’m a alcoholic.

I really like pot a lot too.

And Warcraft.

I got my AA speech all planned out. Just waiting to hit rock bottom before i give myself up to Jesus Christ to be saved…or something….

Anyway, enough that. Last night in a drunken stupor, laying on the couch with the laptop, having yet another drunken conversation about my trip to Amsterdam which is approaching very soon. As soon as the lease is signed and the stuff is moved in, the ticket will be purchased a month in advance. I’m going to give myself enough money to live like a god for a week.

Only problem is going to Amsterdam for a week by yourself could be pretty dangerous. Especially when your planning on stumbling around in a drug induced rage for almost a week. I’m going to get lonely.

Luckily, Amsterdam has plenty of rosey cheeked women that i can purchase for company. From what i’ve read, women can be bought for $20-$30 american dollars. But with haircuts, apartments and prostitutes, you get what you pay for.

So my plan is to save up a decent amount of money and actually get a real escort for 3-4 days. She can show me around, showing me the sights of Amsterdam and also provide entertainment in other…activities…..

The pictures will be the best part tho. I’ll get off the plane, ride home, upload the 2 disks of pics to crackhore and watch the games begin.

“Here is me and Natasha at the art muesuem, look how dilated my pupils look!”

“Here is me and Natasha having coffee at this shop near my hotel. Yeah! Look at the size of that joint!”

Then when I leave she’ll ride with me to the airport, we’ll hug, exchange email addresses and aim names say our bitter goodbyes….

It’s been a pretty good day. Took mom to airport for her flight to Ohio for her highschool reunion. On the way she told me a pretty funny story. The whole time i was listening i kept thinking “this is going on the site”.

Okay, so last night my dad comes home from a hard day at work and makes himself a sloppy joe. Fathertoad, unlike me, likes really realy spicey food so he decides to try out this new hot sauce that their neighber gave to them.

He soakes his sandwich in it, eats the sandwiches then starts to feel kinda weird. My mom came home to find my dad laying on the living room floor dripping in sweat. He said his heart was racing and couldn’t get the burning taste in his mouth to go away. He tried drinking a lot of water and still couldn’t stop the burning and lower his temperature.

My mom looks on the container for the hot sauce and sees ONLY PUT ONE DROP! VERY HOT! She calls the neighber to ask for her advice to kill hotsauce “overdose” and she says to drink milk or sugar and that should help.

MotherToad then calls Poison Control to ask their advice. They laugh at her and then tell her to try ice cream if she doesn’t have any milk. They recommended that she take him to the emergency room if his heart rate doesn’t drop.

So he eats some ice cream and lays down on the couch and Poison Control calls back to ask how he is. My mom laughs, says he’s about to fall asleep on the couch and is fine…..i think my mom told it better, guess it also helps to know my dad….a pic would even make this update greater….blah

Except last night.

I went up to the Full Moon Club last night around 10pm. I stumble in, sit at the bar with Chad and have who knows how many Pabst Blue Ribbons. Sick shit….oh well….

I was at the Full Moon earlier showing mary and shea the flyer i made for them. They said they liked it, rewarded me with a beer. I went home, drank a half bottle of wine while playing the piano, showered and came back up….

Around midnight, i think, chad decides he has to go home. We took 2 cars so i stayed by myself and drank for a bit. This girl i had been sitting next to the whole night finally says hi and starts talking to me. By then the pot, wine and beer were in total control. That moment of th evening when you have control of what you say or do. A slave to substances. I can’t remember what i said to her, if she got up and left after i said it or if i gave her my phone number…..stupid beer….she’s probably pregnant….

My mom calls around noon yesterday and asks if i can take her to the airport tomorow around 4. I’m like “yeah i can wake up by then” and say i’ll be there. Then my dad calls to ask me if i can. Tell him already talked to mothertoad and it’s straight. Then mom calls again to remind me. I finally ask where’s she going. She says “oh no where” and laughs. I ask again. She asks me if she can leave town without telling me. I ask if she needs a ride from the airport when she gets back. She says no…..

Finally she tells me she’s going to Ohio to visit family…god….thought i was gonna be a orphan…

Last night started out by getting really stoned on the way to my sister’s ballet show on the roof of the Gibson Guitar factory. You havn’t lived till you and your friend roll up into a ballet stoned and drunk. I’m sure my mom could tell since i was laughing a little too much. Then fucking sam shows up. Sam starts whispering shit about Warcraft in my ear and i’m chewing on my hand to keep from laughing.

We decide to get some drinks.

We roll right up on some Hardrock. Tony the bartender procedes to get us trashed and after 2 cranberry and makers mark, we decide it’s definetely time to go back to Midtown. Then it turns into lets see how many different bars we can go to. We meet brandon at young ave, decide it’s definetely not worth a cover and go our seperate ways.

Lets see what this bar is like.

We spot another bar prospect. I park, take one last puff on the one hitter and stroll in like i own the place. I’m halfway through the courtyard when Wes half whispers “Toad! Toad!”. I stop, turn around and walk over to him and try to coax him along. He just turned 21 so he’s probably afraid of walking in.

Wes hurries me the opposite direction of the bar and screams “haha did you not see any guys there?” I was all about it. “Yeah dude, that place looked bumping” Then Wes said it again. Did you not see any guys in there?

I didn’t.

Cuz guys don’t go to lesbian bars.

Ugh, i always thought it was “after hours bar” and not a “i drive a harley and wear flannel” bar. I would give anything to hear the thoughts of those lesbians. The wtf’s and the omfg’s that probably went through their carpet munching minds. I still think we should have had one beer and left….

So after that, we’re not discouraged.

We head to a old reliable, zennie’s east. It starts to get blurry here. I have another 3 cranberry and maker’s mark and i guess we left. It’s about 3am when we get home, from what Wes has told me. Wes pops in the last cd of the Oz boxset.

I don’t even remember hearing the theme song.

Wes said he woke up on the floor around 6am and went back to the computer room to sleep in there. I don’t know why he was on the floor.

**Sleep for about 8 hours**

I woke up at the bright early of hour 11:30am to my cellphone ringing. I answer it, walk outside since my awesome cellphone only works outside, let the dog out and come back inside…

Walk into dirty bathroom, pee, throw up, start shower. Back to the computers, check email, look at the aim msgs. I’m still pretty drunk. I get in the shower, lean against the wall and think back to that first beer i had at Boscos that started last night. Put on my favorite shirt and my favorite pair of pants and go pick micaela up for breakfast at IHOP.

The hangover is starting to subside and food actually sounds like a decent idea. I eat some delicious pancakes and we head to Cooper Young festival. It’s 2pm and i figure wes is probably awayke in my apartent wondering if im gonna come back for him. I kick open my apartment door, Wes gets up, goes to the bathroom, lights and cigerette and gets in the car with us.

Saturday night Angie takes battle weary Wes and I to the Hitone to see Southern Bitch play. I was expecting 3 really heavy set white trash looking women who were going to play Poison covers. Instead they were a, umm, i think sam called it “americana” band. Anyway they had $2 dollar Miller High Life and the music seemed to really fit the alcohol. Our tab was only $54, which isn’t a diaster but none of us were “planning on drinking a lot”.

No idea what happened after that. Pretty sure i went to sleep.

Sunday is spent watching Futurama episodes and wasting brain cells with warcraft…..alas tommorow i must arise before noon and try to make some money…but then, come Thursday, the weekend will start again!