Category: TOAD NEWS FEED

Ya know, life is made up of memories. This is going to be one that will never ever go away. Even after years and years of counseling ill still bear the scars of this night. Thank Hore.

It was a calm Wednesday evening. The hamburgers were grilling slowly on the fire and two webdesigners sat out on a porch in a small city named Memphis. I had got home and mixed myself a drink immediately, just to have a head start and by the time the hamburgers were done Jack Daniels was coarsing through my veins. We sat like civilized beings and talked about all life, women and the ways of the Hore. It was getting dark and both of u were starting to get pretty drunk, being on drink 2 or 3. We popped in the Clouser video which is known for it's grotesque violence and weirdness and sat in darkness as our senses were bombarded by the greatest music ever created and visuals that scar children for life. The drinking continued. We watch the 2nd tape. For about 10 minutes they show footage of the band smashing things in their hotel/dressing room. I began to thrash around for some reason and ended up throwing a road cone across the room. Then it started. Ian threw his glass against the wall, showering the room in glass and i began to dance around screaming. I then picked up the box of crackhore.com shirts and smashed it on the ground, spraying shirts everywhere. Ian then knocked over my Free Jobs News thing over and started screaming. I flipped a chair over and ended up kicking my mug of whiskey across the room. My shoes still stick to the floor, hehe.

We put our shoes on and stumble out of the house. I grabbed a Teki torch from my front yard and ran around screaming something about voices. We walked around the apartment complex. I think. After we walked outside its all a blur. I vaguely remember attacking a huge shrub with the Teki torch and pushing a shopping cart we found on the street. Ian grabbed a sign from the front yard of some apartments and is still in my apartment to this day. I was going to take it back out to the place where i think he took it but it has writing all over it now so it probably wouldn't be the best thing.

I woke up the next morning with a screaming hangover, on my floor with the walls covered in writing. I was also wearing a crackhore.com shirt which i wasn't wearing the night before. Weird.

Moral of this story? Alcohol is cool. I blame Trent for my apartment being trashed. I have emailed him and his manager asking for punitive damages but its not looking good. Whiskey Wednesdays continue to be a routine part of our week to this day. But now we stay away from NIN videos.

I remember it like it was yesterday. Ian and i had been in LA for about a month, working, playing lots of Diablo II at night because of a lack of anything better to do. Our lunch routine had not been set in stone yet so we would drive around looking for any type of place that looked to be of our nature. I had found a Honey Baked Ham store about 3 miles away which i had been eating at about once a week and i suggested it to Ian on that day. We came in, ordered our sandwiches, paid for them, and sat down at one of the small tables they had setup.

Our lunch time conversations are always the same. Whats wrong with life, what we want to fix it, and digressions of that. A lady, her son and her daughter enter the store and walk up to the clerk. I listened with one ear automatically and heard the drift of what they were talking about. The lady apparently had received a coupon for a product which this specific Honey Baked Ham establishment didn't carry or never carried. When the clerk explained this to her, she became exteremly irate and began speaking in a higher tone of voice to where Ian and i both look over. The clerk, some guy who was getting paid 6 bucks max, kept explaining and apologizing to the lady but she really seemed to be upset by it. She kept asking him why she received this letter if they didn't have this product in stock. As if this clerk, when not making sandwiches for humble XML convertors like ian and i, sat in the back printing up these letters and sending them to local residents and he really messed up by saying they had this product when they didn't. This lady really thought it was his fault. She went on and on for about 2-3 minutes about how Honey Baked was going to receive a letter about this horrible tragedy and how she was very very upset that her precious time was wasted. When her and her son and daughter left and the clerk walked back into the back while shaking his head we finally started talking again.

I was in a bad mood, this pissed me off. Maybe a person yelling at another person when it was obviously not his fault brought back a customer service flashback of mine or maybe it was something else. What is wrong with this country? Why do people get so upset about meaningless little crap like this? To quote the late Bill Hicks, “Reasonable people don't write letters, reasonable people get on with their lives”. He's right. A reasonable person would have taken the advertisement in, found out that it wasn't possible for the clerk to fulfill the advertisement, shrugged and walked out without having their day shattered in anyway.

But no, not in America. In the late 80's the focus was “take one for team”, sacrifice your own well being to benefit the corporation or the greater cause. Then in the early 90's when the computer field began to require more people then our society was requiring, the focus went back to the individual and people began to get content again. Employees had more rights, less dress codes and worked just fine. Alot of cases better. Problem is, we went to far. Now our once great country is filled with letter writing soccer moms who think they are the center of the universe and that they have the right to walk over people because they are a consumer. How this will end? I'm not sure but it needs to.

My point? You are not special. You received a letter in the mail just like me. The difference? I have a purpose and you are annoying some clerk who isn't paid enough to care about your petty feelings. You need to understand that every single person you meet is on the exact same level as you. Until this becomes at least somewhat clear in your mind, you are a subhuman. Now kill yourself so you don't ruin my lunch

While ordering, I notice a rather raggedy looking individual badgering the poor asian fellow behind the counter. “Two large ice tea's now, and one when I leave” he yelled at the man. He finished up with, “I'll pay for the third now, and come find your ass when im ready to go”. I thought to myself, how rude. This poor asian guy comes to this country to try to make a better life for himself and, WOAH, GOD DAMN!!!! The asshole at the counter has turned around and I see his face is covered in bad home grown tattoo's!

WTF!?!? Don't get me wrong, I like tattoo's, hell I even have some myself, but not on my fucking face. Im thinking to myself that this guy is either A. a hard core mother fucker, B. less than average on the table of mental stability, or C. a waste of my precious breathing air. I decide to myslef that it is probably a good mix of all of three. Amazingly enough after finishing lunch, going about the rest of my day, chilling out at home with my kids, I cant get this fucking retard off my mind.

FACIAL TATTOO's, WTF is that all about?!? I can't decide if it pisses me off or if im just getting old. One thing I do realize is that no matter how bad my life may be, ie. working at Stream or if I end up sucking cock for dollars in the gutters of Memphis, I will never have a tattoo on my face. Damn! There are some wak ho's in this world.

Welp, i sobered up enough to write a little update for you people that are still with me in this downward spiral of boredom and insanity. We get home from work, watch a movie, have a drink, then we just stare at the TV even after the TV is off. That goes on for about 15 minutes before one of us screams and gets up and starts pacing, then sits back down and stares some more. We only have 2 weeks left but 2 weeks is a long time. Oh well, we’re fighters, we don’t need things to keep us unbored to keep our sanity….

I’ve decided today that i am going to start a new phase in my life clothing wise. Lets take a step back for a second and examine my clothing time line. In the beginning it was Doc martins, cut off camo shorts and black t-shirts. Those were the days, Opiate in the CD player and dressed to milita standards. Then i moved on to ugly pants and ugly shirts from the 70’s. This got me through my drinking and skating stage of Memphis quite well. I loved paying $3.00 for a shirt. Now i think i’m gonna try to to find a bunch of cheap black suits. Like i wouldn’t mind paying $50 for a entire suit, that would be pretty leet. Now i’m a big advocate for spending as little money on clothes as possible but i think a wardrobe consisting of comfortable black suits with a little thin black tie would be pretty cool. It’ll be a intresting decision in my head, get rid of my own personal belief of cheap clothes for a cool new style. Hmmm..

I’d like to make a plea to Winamp for my co-workers. I listen to alot of really extremly homosexual music at work. You can scroll down to the older news for a early version of the playlist. Anyway, when you’re listening to gay music day in and day out, you start to get sick of the order they come in. Men Without Hats and then Madonna everyday gets old. Haha. So i hit shuffle. Thinking that the verb shuffle means to “make random”. It doesn’t tho, it plays the same songs over and over. So after the 3rd time it starts playing Tom Jones’s Kiss, people get pissed. Then it will behave for a few days, then it starts playing the same like 10 songs back to back.

Hrmm, well, i forgot to update with a nice cheery happy thanksgiving message yesterday. Probably not gonna keep me awake tonight. Thanksgiving for me was great, i went to my uncles, the stuntman. There we ate and drank and had a jolly thanksgiving. I’ve never heard “No, you’re gonna have 3 pieces of pie, or i’ll stab you”. God bless Italians. It was a weird feeling, having consumed so much food, then like zipping all the food you ate into a zip file, then like downloading more stuff.

Christ, where is my creativeness today…hrmm…well, oh yeah, hahaha, a few days ago i was talking to my good friend Natalie on the phone when she asked if i was making dinner. I replied, yes as i opened the can of Campbellsâ„¢ Chunky Soup with that familar open tin can sound. I dumped the contents of the can into a bowl which then really resembled dog food. Natalie thought the resemblence of feeding toad 3 cans a day and walking him would make for a intresting pet. I can see the commericals now, BUY YOUR OWN SNUGGLETOAD TODAY!

Hmm, was that last paragraph not as funny as it could have been? I feel like i wrote it wrong but when i think of when it happened it seemed so much more funny…hmm…oh yeah! My t-shirt guy mailed me wednesday, the shirts have been printed and are being delievered to my parents house. This is the schedule now, the shopping cart is done and coded, so November 15th, when i drive to Memphis to see my little sister’s ballet dance thing, i will pick up the huge box-o-shirts then. That means, i take the shirts back with me to the cardboard box i’ll be living in in New Orleans, setup the credit card processing, and bam. Still can’t give ya date yet tho, sorry.

It’s kinda funny. Crackhore.com is the most stable thing in my life right now. Im quitting my job to move to a city full of people who drink as much as me and i’m going work on “web pages” for the “Internet”. My mental life is a cool tangle of dead animal corpses and my spiritual life is nonexistant. That leaves the crackhore.com life. That’s great, shirts gonna be on sale soon, people are reading it again and i’ve met alot of hot chicks who read it.

I’d like to apoligize for such a shitty update. I just don’t really too funny yet today. Im kinda hungry and it’s really cold in here which i think is messing with my concentration? Gawd, i can’t even think up a good excuse today…hmmm.

mp3 of the day:
Desperado – Intro by El Mariachi.mp3

DetctiveMills: im downloading cultures
DetctiveMills: game like aoe
SnuggleToad: hmm
SnuggleToad: cultures?
SnuggleToad: omg
SnuggleToad: hahaha
SnuggleToad: what a fucked up name
SnuggleToad: i wanna be the drug culture

After a long weekend of tylenol PM, alcohol and not having internet access, i arrived at work to find our DSL is still down. This makes 3 days of not having internet access. I look down at the little yellow aim icon and theres no little blue circle around it. Sigh. Sure do wonder whats happening on aim right now. I bet all my friends are online and laughing and singing and downloading music while im sitting in a office without internet access updating my page full knowing that i can’t upload it. Sigh.

Oh well, this Saturday i went paintballing with Us_ in Corona, California. Gawd, i forgot how much i missed running around a inclosed field shooting other people with guns. I hadn’t played in years and most of my gear is still in a huge box in a attic in Memphis and the last 6 months of drinking and drug use has left my body “not fit for running from people with guns” shape. Needless to say, Saturday my entire body hurt. I decided a mix of Tylenol PM, beer and a few other drugs that don’t need to be mentioned would heal me nicely. Five hours later im laying on my couch staring at my ceiling and talking to my ankle about how much it hurts. Damn i need to move out of LA.

It’s scary how much shit i have to do. My palmpilot, the perfect companion for someone who spends too little time sober to remember the things he has to do, has been used more regularly lately. Now that would make a intresting Visor commercial. Camera zooms in on some grungy looking guy wearing a Sublime shirt and sitting at a bus stop smoking a joint. He stares off into space for a bit, then opens his Visor and notices he has to pay one of his dealers. Smiles to himself…zooms out. Visor. Replacing brain cells one memo at a time.

It really sucks that I’m already getting that “Crap, im homeless” feeling again and this time i don’t have a steady job lined up this time. Ahh, the joys of freelance. What a great company idea tho, no office no building, no phones, just a laptop, a cellphone and Toad going to friend’s houses to download mail and upload the website he designed while laying on a park bench.

Hahaha, one last thing. I found this when i went to a friend of mine’s apartment who happens to be a director. He had this picture up on his fridge from some actor who thought this would be a good picture to send out to all of his prospects. Since i couldn’t scan it i had to just take a picture of it but you kinda still see it.

So you thought you might like to, go to the show. To feel the warm thrill of confusion, that space cadet glow. Tell me is something eluding you, Sunshine? Is this not what you expected to see? If you wanna find out what’s behind these cold eyes, you’ll just have to blow your way through this disguise. -Pink

Day 3 of sobriety and im having nightmares now. Stupid drugs. I keep having this dream where im have all these strangers hostage and the cops have me surrounded in this small warehouse. I shoot a bunch of the hostages and then all these plain clothes detectives storm in and i get shot in the chest like a dozen times, then i wake up. Yeah. Then i go back to sleep and i have another nightmare that im working at Stream again but in all the cubicles around me are filled with my ex-girlfriends insted of the normal scary people there. Ian says it’s because of de-tox but i’m not sure. I’m also helping Ian quit smoking while i quit everything i know and love. Theres nothing quite like holding the ciggeretes for a trained fighter and having to say “no, you’ve already had your 3 for today”. I’m scared im going to have to defend myself. I start taking a ju-jitso class in a week so i’ll be able to keep Ian to his non-smoking path.

I really need to be more careful about what music i listen to on the way to work. We were listening to Rage Against The Machine’s 2nd album while on the interstate today and i ended up going 110mph the entire time. I could tell ian was a little scared when i cut across 6 lanes while going down hill because the llamas tried to box me in. Then when we were exiting th 405 i pulled some mad skillz out and missed this utility truck by about a foot. Then when i told Ian that i wasn’t sure if that was going to work he sighed a sigh of relief. Crazy ole toad. Hehe, a few days ago, we were driving to work on the interstate and there was a bunch of construction on the 210(as usual). They had a whole line of road cones blocking off the far right lane. I changed lanes over to the middle and kept driving. Then i saw the last cone at the end of the line. I scream “DIE ROADCONE!” and accelerated up to about 100mph and nailed the last road cone. We watched it crumple under the mightly force of the Horemobile and saw it’s broken corpse in the rear view mirror. It was great.

mp3 of the day: Rage Against The Machine – Roll Right.mp3

firma tera: legoland + toad + acid = total disaster

Hmm, ya think i would have learned after i took a xanex after doing tequila shots and drinking a forty and THEN calling Annie but noooooooo, lets try taking some else’s prescription medicine one more time, just to make sure it’s not for me. Im standing at stop light going to McDonalds when the Clariton D kicks in and my hand starts twitching. Now im typing to keep it from twitching but im typing really fast and not really making any complete sentences. Period, there, yah ahahahaha.

Oh well, record number of articles converted at work and im updating my page, maybe i should start taking this stuff daily. No wait, see, damn it, aslkdjfldf. Hehehe, this morning i went to Pasadena county jail to bail out a friend of mine.

I’ve been talking to this girl online lately named Natalie. My attempts to seduce seem to fail everytime but shes talking to her mom about me so thats either a good sign or a bad sign. Good sign, she thinks im cool. Bad sign, talking to her mom about a restraining order.

I’m really strange. I have problems. Drugs arn’t the answer but they seem to be a good question. But beer, beer is the answer. But by itself.

mp3 of the day: Sublime – Right Back.mp3

NatTheSex: my mom call’s you “chicken”, she can’t remember “toad”!!