Category: TOAD NEWS FEED

I sat in church, hands trembling from alcohol withdrawls and anger since i could almost feel that crucifix looking at me. The wedding ends, we all talk outside then roll to the reception.

That's when it starts to get “intresting”.

We get there, theres a keg with a bunch of flowers on top, which tickled me pink. Also a open bar, which i pillaged of all it's merlot. Brandon and i leave for the liquor store, then we head to the house party after the reception.

All the way out in Cordova, we roll up into Nicole's house. I fucking love Nicole, she always throws these huge parties and i always end up breaking something.

The keg from the reception somehow gets there, everyone is drunk out of their mind…people are drinking southern comfort out of the bottle…and in that one picture where John Clutter is stumbling towards me with the bottle, then in the next pic you can almost see him sitting on my lap forcing me to drink….

I black out on the pool table for a few minutes and we somehow make the drive home…

This was a really intresting memorial day party. I even remember saying at one point, “we really have a intresting group of people under one roof”. Wes's fridge was full of beer by the time Alex and i got there, so i had to put my 2 corona's on his kitchen counter. Those soon disappeared and by the end of the night, all that was left was a room temperature can of Miller Light.

It's in my fridge now tho 🙂

Nothing really crazy happened….no dog attacks, no police called….i watched freaky steve flirt with a girl named Isabella from Equador(sp). I saw him sit down next to her and instantly decided to leave. When i got the patio i told brad it was like a life boat had flipped over and a bunch of sharks were circling.

Fast forward to 5:30am, Andy George, Wes and i think Brad was still there, are all drunk as shit watching The Outer Limits and i'm curled up on Wes's couch eating beef jerky.

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY

i’m in line this morning at petco, hair all messed up in the back since i just woke up in a strange bed, and on the way home i remembered i needed marla food.

i grab a huge bag of food, shove a dog toy in my pocket and stand in line. While im checking out, my phone rings. Oh hey shane, whats up, oh im just buying dog food….baseball game? Naw, i just woke up, still really hungover, not ready to do anything yet.

Shane asks what i did last night, i told him it was helen’s birthday party and i slept over there cuz i was too drunk. He then asks “what, you slept with helen?” and i exclaim “no! i didnt sleep with anyone”.

At this point the entire line is staring at me. I grab my huge bag of dog food and stumble out.

haha god, drove out to helen’s birthday party, drank my fill, took over her computer, winamp playlist, haha and religious thoughts

jesus

didn’t

die

on the cross

ugh god so much Busch installed in toad’s liver….alalalala so i let busch come in, kicked off my boots, punched me in the face….

gawd it all started when i went downtown for point2point’s graduation from the incubator. The incubator is a office in downtown that my dad was renting a space out of for a few years and when we move out it’s considered graduating. Yah it’s weird.

Anyway, like any event that the incubator throws, it has lots of wine. I was the first one there, last to leave and had a glass of wine in my hand th entire time. Mayor Wharton gave a little speech which was really intresting, more wine, more wine, more wine. They start cleaning up after the party, im ordered by one of the ladies at the incubator to “finish off the rest of the wine”, which i try very very hard to.*holds back vomit*

I smoke a cigar on the drive home, thankfully not getting pulled over, since im now deep into Merlot haze. I get home and then Alex stops by with a brown bag in one hand. I laugh outloud, as he pulls out the huge bottle of Hanger 1. Everyone mixes their drinks, i decide to see what the green koolaide and hanger tastes, with success.

We put a huge dent in the bottle and head up to Melange. I havn’t looked at the pics yet. I’m kinda scared. So many glasses of beer consumed. Alex buys me dank beer after dank beer, Colleen has a confrontation with a cook when she was trying to find the bathroom. Blurry drive home, pizza ordered and fear in loathing in the dvd player.

I wake up this morning, my ear infection from a week later, still throbbing, a constant reminder that it fucking hurts. God, anyway, i go to the doctor this morning at the hospital and get some more crazy antibiotics to try to kill it. While waiting in the examination room, i get bored and start going through drawers. In the bottom drawer i find a box of plastic disposable speculums.

I move the cellphone to the right pocket and the speculum takes it’s place in the left pocket. The doctor looks at my ear, says yes it’s infected and writes me a prescription and i walk out. I make it to the parking lot before the full out laughing hits.

Colleen sees me on the floor laughing earlier, snapping it open and closed. She said that noise is the reason all women are crazy. I sat down and really thought about it, like the inserting and the spreading. God this update is going out of control.

hmm it’s so weird how some people ion our plant can be so amazingily nice yet some can be so incredibly evi……

this i sbeing tpyed in bed…..can’t see my fingers typ e most of it so i think im doing damn good….i dunno, justwanted to give one last little throwup o fo au pddate before i fell asleep for 6 hours before my …. lunch meeting…mmm i love having to leave a bar early because ” hve to twake up for a lunch ahhadfhadfaa”….

mmmm i saw my ex girlfriend tonight at a show…..i think ive decided not to talk to girls anymore…..remember men, theres nothing they can’t do that you can.

This happened a few days ago and i promised myself i’d get really high to write about this but we’re gonna try it sober.

Sunday night, Ian had to go to work and asked me to take Colleen, our friend visiting from DC, out for drinks. All 3 of us decide that it can’t be a visit to Memphis without going to Old School Sunday at Hardrock. Now if you’ve never see a mention of Old School Sunday before on this site, close your eyes and imagine this. Well, open one eye so u can keep reading.

Old School Sunday is put on by Hot 107.1, memphis’s premiere rap station. So every Sunday, most of memphis’s gang population rolls on down to the Hardrock to get their drink on.

So Colleen and I are driving down Union, minding our own bizness, when we realize that behind us, next to us and in front of us are almost identical looking ghetto sleds. Like really beat up looking Lincolns, different color doors, etc. Wish i would have had a camera.

Anyway, the 3 ghetto sleds now surrounding my car begin to kinda roll into the intersection. Now this is where it gets difficult to explain. The 2 ghetto sleds in front of us, start to slowly pull through the intersection, with the light still red. The best way we can describe it as tandem light running.

They don’t just pull straight forward tho, both car pull into the intersection, creeping along very carefully but pull into the intersection very wide, leaving room for another one of the ghetto sleds to pull in between them and run the light also.

At this point im laughing hysterically, screaming “welcome to memphis, hahaha” and grab the remote control for my mp3 player, quickly changing the song to Ludacris – U Got A Problem and turn the volume up.

All the homies in the cars in front of us turn, make and keep eye contact with me the whole time. I got my arms up in the air waving along to the music and they keep staring.

Thankfully they finish running the light, i luckily make my way to the parking garage and yet another racially fueled tradegy is avoided.

Colleen and I both instantly start trying to describe the experience when we got to Hardrock but words can’t even begin to paint that picture….

hmm sek pasted this to me earlier

i’m a magazine, get in my way now!

load the page, do a Control F and type in crackhore

hahahaha

SCOUTmasterTOAD:

I'll let the pics talk but Cullen's apartment definetely reminded me of my old apartment. The empty Natural Light boxes in the kitchen, clothes strewn everywhere in the bedroom, random things taped to the wall.

It kinda made me homesick.

Anyway, Cullen shows off his new nitros tank, which will probably land him in jail someday. I want a nitros tank 🙁

Anyway, we're sitting there watching a dvd and Cullen's ferret, named Wainch, jumps up on his keyboard and restarts his computer. Then a few minutes later, Wainch is chewing on Cullen's optical mouse card. He gets up, throws the ferret of the desk and sits down.

A few minutes later, Wainch is rebooting Cullen's machine again. This time Sek says he could have sworn he flicked us off when he did it. It was almost like ferrets had all the negative aspects of both dogs and cats….haha

Anyway, we finish our 40's, and I eat another hydrocodone for the drive home.

Pics courtesy of Sek. Word to sek.