Month: August 2004

wow holy omfg wtf.

Brad and are chilling in the study and i put on Pink Floyd’s Wish You Were Hear. In the beginning, it has the guitar riffs before “remember when you were long”. After it goes on for a second he’s like “wait a second, i thought you were listening to beginning of Dire Strait’s Money For Nothing. The little “i want my mtvvvvvvv” is the same beginning of wish you were here.

i listen to a lot of pink floyd and i never made the connection.

We both sat and thought and said “omg your right, that’s the same exact notes”.

i feel kinda dumb but i wonder how many people know that? is this common knowledge? is the song about pink floyd and how they have it so easy? i’ve seen The Wall, they don’t have it easy.

hore army, comment on whether u knew about this. im furious about my confusion.

yup, sunday night, 1am. the weekend is over. we are all cast back into the monday through friday slave labor which funds our weekends and sustains our weekdays.

win.

i’d like to take a moment to tell everyone about how much i love jug wine.

for $12 you have a huge jug of just pure happiness. serious not playing around happiness. you gotta look at it in 40 prices. at $1.79 per icehouse 40, you could get 5 forties before you can equal the 1 jug. 5 forties is a lot but a jug of wine could give me and my girlfriend alcohol poisoning.

i’ve been pretty down lately. it’s mostly because my life is fucked. i think if my life wasn’t fucked, then i wouldn’t be depressed. but even typing that reminds me of how miserable i was when i had a running car. so even if i do fix my life im still fucked. i can’t wait to read this update tommorow when i wake up.

anyway.

we went to the movies today, check movies section, updating it…again, for the first time….whatever

so two migets are playing checkers in the nude and one miget says to the other midgets crown me after a magnificente move crown me so the other midget slaps the other with his giant cock other midget says hey what the fuck you know midgets dont crown very well migets have huuuuge heads and mom is not doing that again

by the way i am andy and you shall neil before the great small cock of the world and taste the ball sweat of the damned the curly hairs on my balls will chock you into a necrophelic seizure and you will die

now mom get me a beer i am horney for young boys

More myths exposed.

Spaghetti.
Here in the south, it may surprise some of you to know, that white people …do not view spaghetti as a side dish…but they…”gasp”, eat it as a meal it’ self!
This is true, in fact i never thought it odd before, but now , I must admit that it is true.
You’ll actually eat fried chicken and catfish..without spaghetti.
Shocking.

THE LITTLE TOWEL.
This one I first heard in a Chappelle show skit, it was later confirmed by a white man in his early thrities of my aquaintance…who was drug free.

The skit, and his statements confirm, that White people do not use the little towel.
Which begs several awkward and disturbingly personal questions..none of which shall be raised here.
BTW, if you have no idea what I am talking about…and are White……well, there you go.

MYTH
All white people have some latent racial bias.

This one could not be further from the truth, while it is true , that major barriers remain in the struggle for racial equallity, and brotherhood, progress has been made.
At one time african americans in this county suffered brutal and horrific violence and discrimnation, from the goverment, the police, and from the american economic institutions.
At one time, a person of color was judged when first met, as a potential criminal, and threat to personal safety.
Long ago, a black man would no be allowed to even serve the county that oppressed and mistreated him….even in war.
But, dear friends…thoses time are long ago, and while prejudice does indeed still exist, there are also White americans of good moral fiber and hearts open to fellowship and not walled off by latent prehistorical tribal instincts.
To those in white america who have stepped forward into a bold new future, of hope and peace.
My thanks…..you are three of the nicest people I have ever met.

POP FICTION
As much of a surprise as it was to me….I found in my research that several popular fictional heroes, were in fact originally black….later the “Man”, arranged to have these creations altered to reach better mainstream audiences.
In this i shall briefly expose these frauds…you be the judge, gentle reader.

He- Man.
If you look real close you’ll notice that He- man, is a lot darker in his He Man form than in that of the PALE skinned price he pretends to be.
He starts off as lazy good for nothing “prince guy.’ with pale skin and blond hair.
Suddenly he pulls out this massive phalic sword, and turns dark skined and strong, with a perm and some hair care products.
Plus he was always after Teela…and even as a boy i knew , out of all the cartoon women, she had the best ass.
Better than Scarlett from G.i. Joe, better than Chetara, from Thundercats, better than even Elisa from Gargoyles.
His outfit..was on the other hand, something no Black man would wear.

Hmmm…i’ll have to think about that one.

THE ROCK.

I am sorry but i have very strong feelings on this one. you see Dwayne Johnson, is the son of 70′ era wrestling star, Rocky Johnson.
The Rock’s mother is a woman of samoan descent…..now legally, the Rock is black, by the laws of the land.
Most of his life, the Rock was black, he was even on the cover of Ebony mag…for crying out loud.
Now once he took off, I have noticed his samoan side being played up to the point that the character is virtually now a samoan, who has a little black in him.
They retconed his racial demographic….sad….was our music, slang, style of dress, and fondness for forties and big assed women not enough?
Shame on you.

BILL CLINTON

Can you say sleeper agent?

Not to fear , gentile reader, much more to come…next time, i will explain how Black people do not, in fact all know each other.
Good night, dress warm, God bless

More myths exposed.

Spaghetti.
Here in the south, it may surprise some of you to know, that white people …do not view spaghetti as a side dish…but they…”gasp”, eat it as a meal it’ self!
This is true, in fact i never thought it odd before, but now , I must admit that it is true.
You’ll actually eat fried chicken and catfish..without spaghetti.
Shocking.

THE LITTLE TOWEL.
This one I first heard in a Chappelle show skit, it was later confirmed by a white man in his early thrities of my aquaintance…who was drug free.

The skit, and his statements confirm, that White people do not use the little towel.
Which begs several awkward and disturbingly personal questions..none of which shall be raised here.
BTW, if you have no idea what I am talking about…and are White……well, there you go.

MYTH
All white people have some latent racial bias.

This one could not be further from the truth, while it is true , that major barriers remain in the struggle for racial equallity, and brotherhood, progress has been made.
At one time african americans in this county suffered brutal and horrific violence and discrimnation, from the goverment, the police, and from the american economic institutions.
At one time, a person of color was judged when first met, as a potential criminal, and threat to personal safety.
Long ago, a black man would no be allowed to even serve the county that oppressed and mistreated him….even in war.
But, dear friends…thoses time are long ago, and while prejudice does indeed still exist, there are also White americans of good moral fiber and hearts open to fellowship and not walled off by latent prehistorical tribal instincts.
To those in white america who have stepped forward into a bold new future, of hope and peace.
My thanks…..you are three of the nicest people I have ever met.

POP FICTION
As much of a surprise as it was to me….I found in my research that several popular fictional heroes, were in fact originally black….later the “Man”, arranged to have these creations altered to reach better mainstream audiences.
In this i shall briefly expose these frauds…you be the judge, gentle reader.

He- Man.
If you look real close you’ll notice that He- man, is a lot darker in his He Man form than in that of the PALE skinned price he pretends to be.
He starts off as lazy good for nothing “prince guy.’ with pale skin and blond hair.
Suddenly he pulls out this massive phalic sword, and turns dark skined and strong, with a perm and some hair care products.
Plus he was always after Teela…and even as a boy i knew , out of all the cartoon women, she had the best ass.
Better than Scarlett from G.i. Joe, better than Chetara, from Thundercats, better than even Elisa from Gargoyles.
His outfit..was on the other hand, something no Black man would wear.

Hmmm…i’ll have to think about that one.

THE ROCK.

I am sorry but i have very strong feelings on this one. you see Dwayne Johnson, is the son of 70′ era wrestling star, Rocky Johnson.
The Rock’s mother is a woman of samoan descent…..now legally, the Rock is black, by the laws of the land.
Most of his life, the Rock was black, he was even on the cover of Ebony mag…for crying out loud.
Now once he took off, I have noticed his samoan side being played up to the point that the character is virtually now a samoan, who has a little black in him.
They retconed his racial demographic….sad….was our music, slang, style of dress, and fondness for forties and big assed women not enough?
Shame on you.

BILL CLINTON

Can you say sleeper agent?

Not to fear , gentile reader, much more to come…next time, i will explain how Black people do not, in fact all know each other.
Good night, dress warm, God bless

Batman….the superhero..comic book guy, is not the hero we have been lead to believe…
No sir, in fact, a resonable person with just a casual glace over the material and see what i see.
That Batman…is a sex offender.

O.K…let us look at the facts. Bruce Wayne. young , good looking rich guy, fights crime with youthful ward, to avenge his parents deaths aty the hands of criminals.

Let’s be real here….I live in Memphis, if there was some rich,white, good looking , young guy living on the edge of town , with no one but his old english butler, and a slew of teenage boys.
Who also dresses up like a bat..at night.
Questions would be raised, lawsuits filed, and Court T.V, is smiling.

I mean the only women he was ever really into were criminals, who he turned in.
Also, the idea that Batman gets all this cool equipment, and Robin is more or less running around in elf boots, a cape, and a tee shirt, and his underwear…..come on…..connect the dots America.

The two of them alone..in that dark cave…neverland ranch?

For that matter….now that ya think about it….what kind of guy takes a half nekkid kid to fight ARMED criminals…..put down your hand Sek…you too Andy.

So i think we have all learned something here.
I think that after this we can all agree…Crackhore.com needs a midget in a robin outfit to be it’s mascot.
Thank you, good night, I love you…Don’t Stop thinking about tommorrow!

has been the title of every update for as long as i can remember.

it’s weird how i preplan for depression tho. for example, getting new tags costs like $70 something after all the bullshit tacked on to it. I will either write a check or, if available, put it on a credit card, i will DEFINETELY not pay it in cash.

this is because the last time i did this i remember i paid in cash. It hurt so much more to drop 3 20 dollar bills down, then have to pull the rest out of your pocket in crumpled up ones and quarters.

check = painless, money leaves me, i go about my day
cash = pain and suffering

i’m going to have a great book about how to completely ruin your life in one evening and then rebuild it from that point.

except i don’t have a ending yet.

and if steve keeps bringing home half gallon bottles of jim beam there won’t be a ending.

but better updates

has been the title of every update for as long as i can remember.

it’s weird how i preplan for depression tho. for example, getting new tags costs like $70 something after all the bullshit tacked on to it. I will either write a check or, if available, put it on a credit card, i will DEFINETELY not pay it in cash.

this is because the last time i did this i remember i paid in cash. It hurt so much more to drop 3 20 dollar bills down, then have to pull the rest out of your pocket in crumpled up ones and quarters.

check = painless, money leaves me, i go about my day
cash = pain and suffering

i’m going to have a great book about how to completely ruin your life in one evening and then rebuild it from that point.

except i don’t have a ending yet.

and if steve keeps bringing home half gallon bottles of jim beam there won’t be a ending.

but better updates

I found it odd , last week while talking to Toad, that by virture of him being white, that there were certain theories..ideas…urban myths, that he was unaware of.
So in the spirit of racial harmony, I will explain.

MYTH
A once popular theory in the culture of my people, is that church”s fried chicken, is in fact a fully owned front of the KKK.
No..really…i heard this one several times from various sources in my youth.
The story goes that the Klan, is slowly poisoning black people, shorting our life spans over the course of generations….no camps…no ovens..sorry Sek…we just slowly fade away.

THE TRUTH

O.K…this one is real, but it’s not the KKK, they are just pawns of the Department of Defense….what?…like the liquer store, church, pawn shop, gun store bit was’nt working well enough eh?

MYTH-This one was first told to me by my sixth grade bully, but have heard it later and independantly.
TROOP, Troop was a line of shoes, very popular back in the mid eighties.
This was it was revealed that Troop stood for Taking Rights Of Other People.
Yup…once again..the Klan.

THE TRUTH
…This one is…mostly..somewhat…true…LOL

MYTH
O.k…this is one I never heard, but learned of it from a cook, at a resturant I worked at.
In fact every black cook you meet thinks this..be warned.
Andy George’s sister, was told this by children at her school.

White people smell like bologna.
Yes, it’s true…and more widely believed than one would think.

THE TRUTH
…o.k…all jokes aside…No that is not true, but i will admit, that just as everyone has a scent, to me..white people, do have a scent a very, very, faint one…it’s not foul, and it does not smell like ..cold cuts., just as asians have a scent to me…in fact everyone who is not black, seems to have a particular scent of their own.
I am sure black people smell like cheese to some of you.

MYTH
White guys are crazy about blowjobs.-source…numerous.

This one is a no brainer, it is true….i like blowjobs…..love um…but to hear a white guy speak of it….it’s better than fucking.
We love them…you need them to live.
Tough break white ladies.
According to alot of black people, mostly older ones.
Not an absolute…just a slight leaning.

MYTH
White people love mayo.-sources…numerous

THE TRUTH
Like blowjobs…you just seem, to go for the mayo more than we do..just a wee bit.
Not an absolute…just a slight leaning.

MYTH
White Guys are dying to eat pussy.

The Truth
aren’t we all…….with some clear exceptions.
Not an absolute….just a slight leaning.

These are but a few, and are fairly old, I will update..as i continue to uncover more.

so last night i had this dream. i’m fighting something, he’s bigger then me, we evenutally fall into a pool of lava. Still fighting, he has a gun, he gets out of my hands. I end up at the side of the pool, pulling myself out, and suddenly he’s standing there smiling.

He puts a gun to my head and says “just imagine, when you wake up this day will repeat over and over for the rest of your life” and pulls the trigger.

It makes the empty clicking sound, i push him and i wake up.