Author: Scoutmastertoad

Welp, i sobered up enough to write a little update for you people that are still with me in this downward spiral of boredom and insanity. We get home from work, watch a movie, have a drink, then we just stare at the TV even after the TV is off. That goes on for about 15 minutes before one of us screams and gets up and starts pacing, then sits back down and stares some more. We only have 2 weeks left but 2 weeks is a long time. Oh well, we’re fighters, we don’t need things to keep us unbored to keep our sanity….

I’ve decided today that i am going to start a new phase in my life clothing wise. Lets take a step back for a second and examine my clothing time line. In the beginning it was Doc martins, cut off camo shorts and black t-shirts. Those were the days, Opiate in the CD player and dressed to milita standards. Then i moved on to ugly pants and ugly shirts from the 70’s. This got me through my drinking and skating stage of Memphis quite well. I loved paying $3.00 for a shirt. Now i think i’m gonna try to to find a bunch of cheap black suits. Like i wouldn’t mind paying $50 for a entire suit, that would be pretty leet. Now i’m a big advocate for spending as little money on clothes as possible but i think a wardrobe consisting of comfortable black suits with a little thin black tie would be pretty cool. It’ll be a intresting decision in my head, get rid of my own personal belief of cheap clothes for a cool new style. Hmmm..

I’d like to make a plea to Winamp for my co-workers. I listen to alot of really extremly homosexual music at work. You can scroll down to the older news for a early version of the playlist. Anyway, when you’re listening to gay music day in and day out, you start to get sick of the order they come in. Men Without Hats and then Madonna everyday gets old. Haha. So i hit shuffle. Thinking that the verb shuffle means to “make random”. It doesn’t tho, it plays the same songs over and over. So after the 3rd time it starts playing Tom Jones’s Kiss, people get pissed. Then it will behave for a few days, then it starts playing the same like 10 songs back to back.

Hrmm, well, i forgot to update with a nice cheery happy thanksgiving message yesterday. Probably not gonna keep me awake tonight. Thanksgiving for me was great, i went to my uncles, the stuntman. There we ate and drank and had a jolly thanksgiving. I’ve never heard “No, you’re gonna have 3 pieces of pie, or i’ll stab you”. God bless Italians. It was a weird feeling, having consumed so much food, then like zipping all the food you ate into a zip file, then like downloading more stuff.

Christ, where is my creativeness today…hrmm…well, oh yeah, hahaha, a few days ago i was talking to my good friend Natalie on the phone when she asked if i was making dinner. I replied, yes as i opened the can of Campbellsâ„¢ Chunky Soup with that familar open tin can sound. I dumped the contents of the can into a bowl which then really resembled dog food. Natalie thought the resemblence of feeding toad 3 cans a day and walking him would make for a intresting pet. I can see the commericals now, BUY YOUR OWN SNUGGLETOAD TODAY!

Hmm, was that last paragraph not as funny as it could have been? I feel like i wrote it wrong but when i think of when it happened it seemed so much more funny…hmm…oh yeah! My t-shirt guy mailed me wednesday, the shirts have been printed and are being delievered to my parents house. This is the schedule now, the shopping cart is done and coded, so November 15th, when i drive to Memphis to see my little sister’s ballet dance thing, i will pick up the huge box-o-shirts then. That means, i take the shirts back with me to the cardboard box i’ll be living in in New Orleans, setup the credit card processing, and bam. Still can’t give ya date yet tho, sorry.

It’s kinda funny. Crackhore.com is the most stable thing in my life right now. Im quitting my job to move to a city full of people who drink as much as me and i’m going work on “web pages” for the “Internet”. My mental life is a cool tangle of dead animal corpses and my spiritual life is nonexistant. That leaves the crackhore.com life. That’s great, shirts gonna be on sale soon, people are reading it again and i’ve met alot of hot chicks who read it.

I’d like to apoligize for such a shitty update. I just don’t really too funny yet today. Im kinda hungry and it’s really cold in here which i think is messing with my concentration? Gawd, i can’t even think up a good excuse today…hmmm.

mp3 of the day:
Desperado – Intro by El Mariachi.mp3

DetctiveMills: im downloading cultures
DetctiveMills: game like aoe
SnuggleToad: hmm
SnuggleToad: cultures?
SnuggleToad: omg
SnuggleToad: hahaha
SnuggleToad: what a fucked up name
SnuggleToad: i wanna be the drug culture

After a long weekend of tylenol PM, alcohol and not having internet access, i arrived at work to find our DSL is still down. This makes 3 days of not having internet access. I look down at the little yellow aim icon and theres no little blue circle around it. Sigh. Sure do wonder whats happening on aim right now. I bet all my friends are online and laughing and singing and downloading music while im sitting in a office without internet access updating my page full knowing that i can’t upload it. Sigh.

Oh well, this Saturday i went paintballing with Us_ in Corona, California. Gawd, i forgot how much i missed running around a inclosed field shooting other people with guns. I hadn’t played in years and most of my gear is still in a huge box in a attic in Memphis and the last 6 months of drinking and drug use has left my body “not fit for running from people with guns” shape. Needless to say, Saturday my entire body hurt. I decided a mix of Tylenol PM, beer and a few other drugs that don’t need to be mentioned would heal me nicely. Five hours later im laying on my couch staring at my ceiling and talking to my ankle about how much it hurts. Damn i need to move out of LA.

It’s scary how much shit i have to do. My palmpilot, the perfect companion for someone who spends too little time sober to remember the things he has to do, has been used more regularly lately. Now that would make a intresting Visor commercial. Camera zooms in on some grungy looking guy wearing a Sublime shirt and sitting at a bus stop smoking a joint. He stares off into space for a bit, then opens his Visor and notices he has to pay one of his dealers. Smiles to himself…zooms out. Visor. Replacing brain cells one memo at a time.

It really sucks that I’m already getting that “Crap, im homeless” feeling again and this time i don’t have a steady job lined up this time. Ahh, the joys of freelance. What a great company idea tho, no office no building, no phones, just a laptop, a cellphone and Toad going to friend’s houses to download mail and upload the website he designed while laying on a park bench.

Hahaha, one last thing. I found this when i went to a friend of mine’s apartment who happens to be a director. He had this picture up on his fridge from some actor who thought this would be a good picture to send out to all of his prospects. Since i couldn’t scan it i had to just take a picture of it but you kinda still see it.

So you thought you might like to, go to the show. To feel the warm thrill of confusion, that space cadet glow. Tell me is something eluding you, Sunshine? Is this not what you expected to see? If you wanna find out what’s behind these cold eyes, you’ll just have to blow your way through this disguise. -Pink

Day 3 of sobriety and im having nightmares now. Stupid drugs. I keep having this dream where im have all these strangers hostage and the cops have me surrounded in this small warehouse. I shoot a bunch of the hostages and then all these plain clothes detectives storm in and i get shot in the chest like a dozen times, then i wake up. Yeah. Then i go back to sleep and i have another nightmare that im working at Stream again but in all the cubicles around me are filled with my ex-girlfriends insted of the normal scary people there. Ian says it’s because of de-tox but i’m not sure. I’m also helping Ian quit smoking while i quit everything i know and love. Theres nothing quite like holding the ciggeretes for a trained fighter and having to say “no, you’ve already had your 3 for today”. I’m scared im going to have to defend myself. I start taking a ju-jitso class in a week so i’ll be able to keep Ian to his non-smoking path.

I really need to be more careful about what music i listen to on the way to work. We were listening to Rage Against The Machine’s 2nd album while on the interstate today and i ended up going 110mph the entire time. I could tell ian was a little scared when i cut across 6 lanes while going down hill because the llamas tried to box me in. Then when we were exiting th 405 i pulled some mad skillz out and missed this utility truck by about a foot. Then when i told Ian that i wasn’t sure if that was going to work he sighed a sigh of relief. Crazy ole toad. Hehe, a few days ago, we were driving to work on the interstate and there was a bunch of construction on the 210(as usual). They had a whole line of road cones blocking off the far right lane. I changed lanes over to the middle and kept driving. Then i saw the last cone at the end of the line. I scream “DIE ROADCONE!” and accelerated up to about 100mph and nailed the last road cone. We watched it crumple under the mightly force of the Horemobile and saw it’s broken corpse in the rear view mirror. It was great.

mp3 of the day: Rage Against The Machine – Roll Right.mp3

firma tera: legoland + toad + acid = total disaster

Hmm, ya think i would have learned after i took a xanex after doing tequila shots and drinking a forty and THEN calling Annie but noooooooo, lets try taking some else’s prescription medicine one more time, just to make sure it’s not for me. Im standing at stop light going to McDonalds when the Clariton D kicks in and my hand starts twitching. Now im typing to keep it from twitching but im typing really fast and not really making any complete sentences. Period, there, yah ahahahaha.

Oh well, record number of articles converted at work and im updating my page, maybe i should start taking this stuff daily. No wait, see, damn it, aslkdjfldf. Hehehe, this morning i went to Pasadena county jail to bail out a friend of mine.

I’ve been talking to this girl online lately named Natalie. My attempts to seduce seem to fail everytime but shes talking to her mom about me so thats either a good sign or a bad sign. Good sign, she thinks im cool. Bad sign, talking to her mom about a restraining order.

I’m really strange. I have problems. Drugs arn’t the answer but they seem to be a good question. But beer, beer is the answer. But by itself.

mp3 of the day: Sublime – Right Back.mp3

NatTheSex: my mom call’s you “chicken”, she can’t remember “toad”!!

Last i was feeling awfully depressed for reasons im not going go into, so after about 3 hours of laying on my mattress listening to music and waiting for death, i informed Ian that i was going to go to the Dollar Store. The Dollar Store near my apartment is deep within the heart of a mexican ghetto so Ian replied that if i didn’t come back in a hour that he would come out and look for me. The Dollar Store really is a great place because im beginning to use it to curb my American instict to purchase lots of things. So i wander through the Dollar Store picking up random things off the shelf just to see if i can scare Ian with my apartment full of crap.

Last night i bought:
1 measuring cup
1 kitchen towel with a cow on it
2 Baby Ruth Bars(one i gave to ian out of the blue)
1 pair of socks
1 oversized baseball card of Lance something or other(which i put in the bathroom above the toilet)
1 glass bowl

Then after i found out that i need to put Mac And Cheese in for 14 minutes, insted of 12. Ian and i sat on the couch, dined on Pikacho(sp) Mac And Cheese and watched Interview With A Vampire. Then after 4 glasses of wine the Pikacho came back up. I threw up in a cooler which happened to be next to my bed and i saw lots of bloody looking pikacho’s staring back up at me in the dim night light. Damn my lack of digital camera, hehehe.

mp3 of the day: Sublime – 40 oz to freedom.mp3
ToadwaysOpen: *hugs*
ToadwaysOpen: *unzips pants*
coolguyrna: no
ToadwaysOpen: im going to give you the choice i never had
coolguyrna: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So im eating dinner last night with Ian, Candie and my friend from memphis, steve. We’re all enjoying our milkshakes and my good friend Ian remarks about the depressed look on my face. I explain to Ian that i am suffering from post-concert depression. Ian inquires what that may be. I explain to my young friend Ian that after every single concert or event which has thousands of attractive women, i get depressed. Ian is confused, it doesn’t make sense, why would toad be depressed after seeing a bunch of hot chicks? I explain further. Ian soon understands that after i see all these hot women and i come home to my apartment and lay down on my mattress, i am alone. I am alone on that mattress. All those hot chicks that i saw at the concert are not alone on their mattress. They are with other guys. After Ian sees this, he remarks that my mindset is “fucked up” and that i am “weird”.

So i want all of you people who read my site(except my mom) to cracktoad@crackhore.com and tell me if that depression is “fucked up” or “weird”. Thanks, hehehe.

Friday while installing a simple soundcard cable, i broke my c drive. All the pins were bent severely and it made a horrible painful sound when i turned it on to see if it would possibly work for a few minutes. What a great way to find out God hates you. BAM, your harddrive is gone. Everything for the past year written down, all the mp3s, everything. Gone. Most people now like to wittingly say “heh, do you have a backup?” knowing full well that backups are for little wussy girls who arn’t man enough to buy a new harddrive. Fags.

After this last work week i am more convinced that if Ian and i go another week without internet access, things are going to get bad. Last Wednesday after a long day at work we got drunk and stared at each other until Ian yelled at me and told me go to bed. That was at 9pm. Then the week before that it was toad

I was going to surpise whats left of my fans with a great update today with a editorial and everything but i copied the editorial to a floppy disk and then left the disk at the Crackcave. Damn.

On another note, i need to meet more friends. It’s great having Ian here because when i get that power cable for my camera i’ll have a partner in crime for a few projects have i planned. Only one of them is technically illegal so i should be able to write about them. Yeah, anyway, so ian and i have been pretty bored. Tuesday we had a bad day at work so we came home, drank a forty by the porch, went inside and stared at each other for about a hour and then went to sleep. I need to meet some more women too.

I’m really excited about Steve coming to Memphis this weekend. Steve is one of those people you meet and you realize they arn’t like everyone else. I don’t know all you normal people have friends that just seem like comic book heros but it definetely adds to the richness in life.

A little background first. Saeda is a lovely friend of mine I met via the Internet. I decided one weekend that I did not want to spend another weekend walking through fields at 3am drunk while mumbling about aliens, so i talked Saeda into letting me visit her. Here are the pictures along with captions. Sorry about the load time, big images.

Day 1
Here is a picture of the traffic about 5 minutes from my house. I learned a very valuable lesson then. When you see a big flashing sign that says BRIDGE OUT! PREPARE TO STOP!, get comfortable, cuz your gonna be there a while. I listened to a entire cd while waiting for them to replace a bridge. At this one point i actually got out of my car, took a picture of this traffic because it owned me so hardcore.

After the cool traffic i settled in for the 8 hour trip deep into the heart of Alabama. Well not that deep, but it was pretty deep. My music didn't change much from its usual roadtrip music. I started out with one of Reel Big Fish's cds, i think it was the second one but i can't be sure. Then i decided i was getting a little too happy for my own good so listened to all three Tool albums in order, Rusty Nails II, a NIN bootleg, and then broke out Broken and Fixed. The trip was uneventful, since most of it was through the beautful landscape of Mississippi . Picture below, check out those great trees.

Then i started to run out of gas. Crap. The gas stations in Mississippi conjour up memories from Deliverance and i could have swore i heard banjos playing when i stepped out of the Horemobile. Luckily there is a little trick i use on roadtrips which seemed to have worked pretty well this time. If you dress like a native, they give you more respect, they give you better directions. For example, i wore a gas station attendent shirt and a Service Transport jacket which i bought for $3 at the Salvation Army. See, if you walk up into a gas station wearing a Boy George t-shirt you'll end up getting directions that lead into a empty field with a bunch of pickup trucks in a semi circle and guys with torches in hoods shouting obscentites at you. Trust me.

Since i was using Mapquest.com directions which are about as reliable as crackhore.com's uptime, i made several stops to ask the locals if i was on the right track. This one time i pulled over and saw this.

I assumed it was a alien landing zone. It had to be.

Well anyway, the rest of the trip was uneventful and i got to Mobile, or so i had thought. I pulled into a BP, paged Saeda's friend and waited for them to call. They call me back, the conversation went like this.
someone paged “pagernumber”?? Yeah, this Saeda's friend, Toad? Oh, umm what do most people call you? Toad. Oh okay, where are you? A BP across from a Wafflehouse. Okay, we'll be there in a 15 minutes, we were showering together. *****Silence******
Well anyway, i sit outside this BP for about a hour, a dirty kinda mexican guy was waiting out there, he asked me why i took a picture of the Wafflehouse and since i didn't want to explain to him that i didn't have any friends in Memphis and that i have to drive 7 hours to meet them, i just simply responded that it was pretty. This guy kept chatting with me until his ride showed up. Thank Hore. So i sitoutside this wafflehouse for about 2 hours, page them again, they say they are coming, so i just chill. Im parked out in front of this BP and the attendents are starting to wonder. This guy is in our parking lot, he looks like a redneck but he has his door open and he is blaring NIN Fixed. I was waiting for one of them to come outside and explain to me that there were other places to hangout in Mobile besides this BP.
After a while Saeda and her friends arrive and after a fairly awkward meeting, i follow them back to their college.

We sat in Saeda's friend's dormroom for a while, decided to go eat in the cafeteria. My hunger seemed to be lacking for some reason so i only ate half a sandwhich. Of course, all of Saeda's friends make a comment about how little i eat and i felt weird. Hehe. Little did they know i was going to kill them and eat them. I mean..nevermind. We went back to the dorms and tried to decide what to do.

We hungout for a while, i of course, suggested the purcahse of alcoholic beverages. That was my 2nd lesson of the weekend, alcohol is the best path to the heart of college students. We woke up some guy who was 21, i paid for a small bottle of rum and we went back to the dorm to drink.

Do a little dance, have a little fun, get down tonight. Everyone gets pretty toasty and the digital camera becomes the center of attention. Then came the casual sex. These photos will be useful if any of these people run for political office, hehe.

Twice in one night, these kids were animals.

Here is a picture of a spilled rum and coke. I really wish i could remember why this was funny but it seemed hilarious at the time.