Author: Scoutmastertoad

Peter called me today to tell me Kristy and him were on their way to the Tool concert. She’s 9 months pregnant, about to drop at any minute. Now they have lots of walking, loud sounds and vibrations….this kid is going to be born in a Tool concert. Everyday on this day we will celebrate a holiday in honor of this holy miracle.

meanwhile my friend, lets call her katy, is texting me asking me whether or not she should take a roll before the tool show. i’m telling her i think it’s a bad idea but i’m kinda past my whole “lets do drugs in public” stage….i dunno tho, whatever works. i want a full update from her tomorrow on how the show was…..

i’m having these conversations while sitting in my little cubicle with my little tie on. fuckers. it’s like couples calling me after they’ve had sex….thanks…you go up to crippled people and make fun of their wheelchairs? oh well, im not bitter….my life sucks because i made it this way 🙂

on a lighter note i now have a home office. my chair and desk came today….nola irish peter helped me put together the chair….i didn’t have the energy to fuck with the desk….saving that for a day off….it’s gonna be nice to have a real setup again….been a while…

i just need to get a mattress and a box springs and i’ll be a real boy….and maybe some curtains…..and a car….and a washer and dryer….other then that…

on a completely different note, i want to give a shout out to jenn. she doesn’t read this site, no one she knows reads this site, but she saved my ass. she took about 5 hours out of her life and i dunno how many miles on her car to help me out of a real bind. i talk about how lonely i am in new orleans and how i really gotta meet more real friends but casual work buddies don’t help each other out unless they’re good people.

i don’t know who all reads this and if they are out to get me so i’m not going into details but i really appreciate the help.

i mean song after song….seriously sang like 5 songs….it was great…..just kept giving me the microphone…so much whiskey…..i sang, the policy of truth, the humpty dance, what i got, and then i basically kinda blacked out. i did a lot of madonna….i showed nipple…i woke up on the floor of my apartment.

went and sang downtown today……did like 4 songs…..the karaoke lady had a crush on me…i know it…..i did some magic tho…..humpty dance…….what i got….the policy of truth….

i had a portrait done in jackson square….gonna send it to my mom……it turned out pretty good…..im going to build her a website in trade…. i want more…rules…

ugh i need to eat some sleeping pills and go to back to sleep……it’s time to buy a bed…

im  not making any promises but you still got that webdesign…..

ive decided sleep is just another drug. i’ve been sleeping on my couch a lot but i really can’t get that good rem. the plus side is im waking up at like 7:30am and getting a great start on my evilness.

i’m interviewing another webdesigner at 10:30am and working with a church on their website at 1:30pm. i am the web christ, set upon the earth to create to design and develop.

and when i say design and develop, i mean outsource.

i have a cellphone full of leet ass fucking people. so you and your website problem better stay the fuck out my way.

i didn’t go to the brothel last night. this would have been a much better update if i had…but god..by 7pm yesterday i was “i killed a hooker” drunk. i walked home. sucked.

work life is starting to consume me. a lot of people tell me it’s just “greed”. i’m working 11-12 hour days, dreaming about designs, everything. i’ve hired a new guy matt who seems leet enough. i told him that my company is trial by fire, if you can find stuff to do i will pay you a fraction of what the client is paying.

the idea is to surround myself with people. lots of them. these people need things and my people will help them. but we are all evil. every last one of us. i drank enough whiskey yesterday to kill a family of 2.5.

i can’t wait to cut to the new tori amos. this album rules *wink*

i don’t like the websites but the websites like me.

i have a very static pattern with my french quarter drinking. i go down with a group of people and usually end up leaving them to go hunt. i find a target female and sit and talk with her for a while but usually end up haivng most of my conversation with the very neutral people around me. last night while staring at a somewhat attractive little barmaid but end up talking with the couple from houston with their 4-5 year old daughter who’s asleep at the bar. they even have pictures of her a beer in front of her with her head down.

i really should have called or texted wes. i just rolled out. it’s so typical. he even said, “you have a habit of just leaving.” and i do. and i did. i really need to start being better to everyone.

oh well, it’s 9am on a saturday. i need to start up some music, shower, shave, and own.

so all day today im walking around with a jump drive of pics of my new artwork. everyone has seen it, the janitors, even the people in norfolk virgina who had to remote into my machine to fix it. I’m on the phone with them and they’re like “omg what is that?” and i have to explain the whole story to both the techs i had online. The one sounded pretty cute but of course she has to drop the H word. I’m pretty sure flirting over monitored phone lines might be bad in well…a lot of ways.

I think ive decided im not going to hang it above my couch. It might have to be something in the kitchen part of the living room. So it looks somewhat normal. I decided im going to spraypaint something on it, like “bad dog” or “life feeds on life”. Splash some paint on it and make it “completed”.

i really don’t think anyone gets my fascination with it and trust me, i asked everyone at work today.  I just can’t say enough about my creepy meat art tho.

Wow so i was taking my trash down to my trashcan this morning and this was on the street corner. I have NO idea where the fuck this came from. I quickly drag it up my steps, laughing manically. I HAVE to find out how to mount this on my wall. I have found/stolen/bought a lot of art in my time but this is like finding the Mona Lisa.

My day can only go downhill from finding this.

ScoutMassaToad: >:o
ScoutMassaToad: SATAN SATAN SATAN
ImNoTpearljam: just jerked off
ScoutMassaToad: oh nice
ScoutMassaToad: good?
ImNoTpearljam: very good
ScoutMassaToad: *high fives*
ImNoTpearljam: ever heard of teens for cash?
ScoutMassaToad: no
ImNoTpearljam: the set up is that they talk girls into comin back to the place for an interview
ImNoTpearljam: then 2 old men hit on them and peel their clothes off
ImNoTpearljam: they find the dumbest girls
ScoutMassaToad: geez
ScoutMassaToad: thats awesome
ImNoTpearljam: yea
ImNoTpearljam: i gotta shower and go home tho
ScoutMassaToad: 🙁
ImNoTpearljam: this computer lab is weird
ScoutMassaToad: where are you?
ScoutMassaToad: oh god
ScoutMassaToad: haha
ImNoTpearljam: jk jk
ImNoTpearljam: hashah
ScoutMassaToad: haha just put a jacket on your lap?
ScoutMassaToad: asdlkfj
ImNoTpearljam: lol
ScoutMassaToad: i dunno why im laughing about thinking about you jerking off in a computer lab
ImNoTpearljam: i tried jerking off in class next tolike my best friend, he got too grossed out and threatened to tell the teacher
ScoutMassaToad: hahaha
ImNoTpearljam: ScoutMassaToad: i dunno why im laughing about thinking about you jerking off in a computer lab
ImNoTpearljam: ahahahahahahaha
ScoutMassaToad: laksdjflkajd
ImNoTpearljam: that belongs in my profile but i would weird way too many people out witht hat one
ScoutMassaToad: hahahaha yah
ScoutMassaToad: it’s one of those things that needs context
ImNoTpearljam: haha yea
ScoutMassaToad: better to just post it on crackhore

it’s been about 24 hours since a declassified update and i’m getting a lot of this “maybe you’re doing this on purpose”. it’s so fucked up hearing this from girls online. look if you and your  “sisters” would go out with me then i might not go on fucked up internet adventure dates….

so before you get a good hardy laugh, the 3-4 girls who read this site……this is all your fault. i hope you sleep well in your tight little shorts and tight bras. i hope your boyfriend is treating you really great.

but i hope you have terrible nightmares of me murdering neighborhood pets and jerking off on them. of course when i say jerking off on, i’m saying feed and love.

i love puppies and kiddies….kitties.

i have the parachute on, time to jump off this post.

i’d like to give a shout out to the federal agents probably reading this..any girl that was remotely attracted to me…any clients…family members…thank you all, good night.

the 11:30pm show is different from the 5am show.

if you’re drinking, don’t drive, and if you’re driving, don’t drink.

and don’t forget to tip your waitress.

*falls off stage*

it was weird getting lectured by the cleaning lady at work about my drinking. the woman i work with, kerry, said she thinks i’ve gotten “better” since she started…i dunno, i thought i was going down hill….

i really have had it with life. ive decided to nest myself up in whatever apartment i can make for myself. i really just need to move out to the woods….this whole society thing has been great but i’m just not cut out for this. i’ve gone completely backwards in my life goal…i’m around more people, more christians……it’s fucked….i really don’t care what people believe…..fairy guy with beard in sky….i don’t care…..just accept the fact that i believe in aliens. and they will send me to hell if i don’t follow their rules.

the aliens made me drink, let me out of these fucking handcuffs.

do you know who i am?

it’s weird that on the other side of the planet people are conspiring to kill because their god wills it and i’m sitting on the other side and i want to kill them because they don’t believe in aliens? with the aliens on my side, who can be against me *puts on sunglasses*