Author: Scoutmastertoad

my last day with the military industrial complex is the 18th. i packed up my cube today, took 2 trash bags of stuff to be thrown away and a printer box of stuff to take home.

it’s crazy to think that at one point i had more stuff in that cubicle then i did in my apartment.

now i’m all stocked up again, ready to freelance.

i’ve never been so excited and motivated to getting back to that life. i’m forgetting all the bad times and only remembering the good but that’s pretty much par for course in my life.

it’s been really funny, all my bosses and co-workers are like “damn so you’re moving back to memphis because your contract is up, right?”

it was funny at first but now it’s insulting. it’s not their fault, they don’t know i don’t need to work up at that office to stay in new orleans. some of them actually evacuated to memphis for katrina, but they didn’t go to memphis. they went to millington where the base was. they have no idea.

i do not, however have any idea where i’m going to live in 2 months. for those of you who don’t know, i live in a very very desolated part of new orleans, very far from the rest of the city and civilization. finding a apartment in the city is going to be tough, considering my high requirements. those high requirements equal rent that’s well over $900 in most cases. once you get towards $900-1000 a month you gotta wonder why you are renting and not owning…i’ve been preapproved by a credit union for enough to buy a sizable residence but i just can’t get excited about buying something down here.

recently i bought a laptop off buy.com, got it and realized it didn’t have a fucking wireless card. i checked the page and it doesn’t say anything about a wireless card so i guess i didn’t get lied to. it’s just something you expect, like a steak dinner without a blowjob after.

receiving a blowjob.

anyway, it kinda made me realize how dangerous buying something as big and expensive as a house is. there is so much shit that you assume is going to be there but probably isn’t. best part is some of those assumptions, especially on homes in new orleans, can really fuck you up. also buying a house while you’re technically unemployed is pretty scary as well.

so i guess i’m doomed to either moving farther from civilization like chalmette (lol) for more affordable rent prices or gamble and try to find another new apartment….

i’m just so tired of moving…it’s been once every 6-8 months for as long as i can remember. i could have bought up most of the 9th ward with the money i’ve spent on movers, deposits and time spent unpacking and packing.

oh well…mary and eric told me over christmas when poured out my apprehension on “what to do” now that im going to be freelancing again. they were both astonished that none of my options were “slit my wrists”, which means i’ve matured a lot since i’ve left memfist.

no matter what happens, everything will be good. and life not inside a cubicle is always good. i’ve had fun living like a rockstar the last year and a half but it’s time to get back to hustling websites out of the apartment.

you are going to see some really interesting updates in the next month. i don’t have many friends here and what friends i do have live pretty far away.

my girlfriend is probably having 2nd thoughts about being with me for a million reasons. i love how after 2 months a relationship finally becomes real. by then you get the real me with all the great and bad parts. she promises to come see me after i get laid off and says she’d love me even if i was digging ditches, guess we’ll see…
i know im going to start going 4-5 days without seeing another human being. in memphis after i was done working for the day i’d walk up to the young avenue deli, play pool, drink pabst and then jager. there are no bars within walking distance and 2 within biking distance.

i need to move soon.
2008 is going to be one for the books. just hope it’s not the last chapter 🙂

i saw this on myspace today from my friend levi in iraq.
Holidays in Iraq

I love them. I got a christmas card saying “The best thing about the holidays is spending time with your family” from a family member….. Fucking fantastic. Happy fucking new years Iraq!

Things arent actually that bad out here… my best friends consist of a shitload of smelly guys… a 50 cal machine gun…. and my right hand (not the left.. its clumsy) lathered up with some lotion.

I love and miss ya Rachael (and Brendon) and cant wait to come home on midtour. Time for me to go babysit some beebs while they try and catch some bad guys….

Peace

i’m not making a single new year’s resolution next year since they only seem to last for a few hours. i don’t need the extra guilt.

i’ve never done heroin so this year my new year’s resolution is going to be not to do heroin. didn’t do it last year or ever so it’s a safe bet not to shoot up.
i’m also going to not rob a bank after i’m unemployed. i’m not going to mug tourists, sell drugs or steal a car.

now i’m afraid i’m jinxing myself.

on a lighter now, i reccomend you download the futurama movie. kicks the simpson’s movie in the fase.

kelly bought me 2 flasks for christmas, i bought a flask for myself before christmas so i could bring it to one of the christmas parties.

katy bought me a pair of flask sandals.

everyone is encouraging me to drink myself to death.

next year i need a liver transplant, who’s up for it?

yup, we made it another year….congrats everyone on making it.

lets hope for a good year cuz god knows 07 wasn’t the best. not the worst either.

I havent posted much lately. went to memphis for xmas and had a good time. it was great to see everyone, kinda crazy how much things have changed for everyone there.

see you all on the other side, hopefully

so today a bunch of white people were protesting a bunch of apartment complexes that were pretty much destroyed in the storm.

it turned out awesome. i wish i could have watched from a office building. this is one of the few times i’ve actually been totally  for police brutality. i wish nopd had fucked them up. tear gas the little fuckers.

i think what the outside world doesn’t understand is these places are fucked. we have to tear them down. humans can’t live there. i know it’s “your home” and you’re used to living there for free but it’s fucked, you can’t go back and it would cost more to clean it up then to rebuild them.

i know this must be hard to explain but that’s the way it is.

now i’m paying more for rent then i paid in california so i agree, we need affordable housing but it has to be actually habitable. that’s a real problem. that’s why apartments cost more! i can prove this on a etch a sketch.

i seriously have had difficulties with just about everything lately. buy.com, cab companies, the dmv, everything.

i understand suicide bombers but i think they are blowing themselves up for the wrong ideas.

i sent something out by ups today, left it on my porch. such a bad idea but i’m painted into a corner. i gotta roll the dice and hope that all the bullshit of late has earned me a win.

i come home today and the package is gone. sweet, either someone stole it or ups picked it up. about 50/50…i sit down at the computer and see a message from the receiver of the package. she wants to know where it is. cool, me too, lets find out.

i call the ups number. the 1st person answering takes my info and says even tho i have the address, phone number, social security number, credit card number of the sender(me), i can’t track the number because i didn’t write down the tracking number. the tracking number on the paper that’s taped to the package.

the problem is i’m used to pretty much every single entity being able to..i dunno, remember shit. i didn’t copy the 16 digit  tracking number down on a piece of paper or save it in a text file because you’re a major shipping company. i should call up and tell them my pet’s name and they say “oh sorry mr scoutmassatoad, your package was picked up and it’s on it’s way”.

that basically happened when i got transferred to a supervisor without even asking. this guy has some magic computer to say “yah we picked it up but you can’t the tracking number you taped to the box for a while, not in the system yet”.

the 2nd guy had all the same info as the 1st guy, i’m so confused. i can’t even go into why one guy can do stuff one guy can’t…

emailed the girl and said ups said they picked it up and it should be there in a day or two, would give her the tracking number tomorrow.

i hate online selling.

don’t even get me started about my laptop

i want a shot of jager after this update.

i know why the terrorists hate us.

when kelly dropped me off at a intersection close to the game i had with me a very large to go cup of whiskey. after spilling a little of it on myself and walking through the freezing cold, drinking most of it i find garry. i immediately hand it to him and he takes a huge sip and we pass the cup back and forth until it’s empty. i toss it into the trashcan next to the people who pat you down. i get through my flask of makers mark.

I’m going to start getting ballsy at those games and try to sneak a 5th in.

Anyway, they actually win. whole 4th quarter i just kept willing every cell to peyton urging him not to fuck up.

I know i did my part.

After we meet up at Finns for yet more alcohol, we stop by Carla to see everyone.

After the entire day of drinking, this is where it starts to get a little blurry. Now if aliens came to earth and asked me to provide a good sample of norther Louisiana, i would pick Shane to be the representative of that area. He shows us pictures of the fish he caught. Shane pours me a nice tall glass of whiskey. I has it.

Kelly and i get back to my apartment and decide it’s time to drink more. Jager shots and blaring Coma White at 1am.

It was really hard to describe the pain and suffering that was my ride to work this morning. The bonus, i had left my bike at work thursday because i went out drinking with a bunch of work people.  I had to ride the backup bike which was a epic fail compared to the normal bike i’m used to. Just fail left and right.

Kelly and i were laying in bed a week ago deciding on what to do for food and how to spend the rest of the afternoon. She says “okay let me just shower get ready and we”ll go”.

Kelly takes a while to get ready and we’re just going into the ghetto to buy bbq. Doesn’t require a shower, imo.

I gracefully inform her that she doesn’t need to get ready, that i’m hungry. I was, starving.

I say it in a manner that comes off very “no this is the way it’s gonna be”.

She turns to me and proclaims,

I HAVE A PENIS!

I’m the man! I have a penis! I’m gonna take it out, wave it around and tell YOU what to DO!

I kinda sit back agreeing with her and say “yeah! you’re right!” After all, I am the man, i has a penis!

She then says “okay well you do that while i get ready!”

In the end she didn’t shower tho 😀

since ive got a kegerator i’ve been a real fan of riding in the backs of cabs and after filling up a huge to go cup. it’s great sipping your beer on the interstate and talking with the wonderful men and woman of the new orleans cab companies. call the white fleet, they be the shit.

anyway.

in my head i don’t feel like i get my money’s worth unless i can have a beer the entire cab ride.

i ran out of to go cups recently and even out of plastic cups that i don’t feel disposing of when i get to my location.

i look around and see a empty peanut jar. a quick wash(no soap) and i fill it with beer and wait for my cab. now those things are surprisingly big so i’m still finishing it when we get to the bar that kelly is having her show at.

i get out, pay the man and stand outside chugging the rest of my beer because i’m not going to walk into any bar like that.